Mock the Moment

Today’s Mock the Moment is scrabbling around looking for news under trees, bushes, in the bin, anywhere really. There isn’t a great deal if it around today, dear reader. Not even the somewhat expected news that a Mohamed Salah with a knackered shoulder is better than no Mohamed Salah in the eyes of Egyptian football.

Mo is thought to be out for a further three weeks which means he could still play some kind of part in the Group Stages, so that is nice. That will make up for the pain of losing the Champions League Final, I am sure.

Who would have thought that the President of Italian Serie C side Rimini was able to crack such gags, eh? Taking the opportunity to get at least ten people talking about his small little club, the President (unnamed as I couldn’t be arsed to do any further research) has offered Loris Karius a season-long loan to get his head back in the game. At least, I presume it is a wind-up. Maybe it isn’t?

Manchester United have a cunning plan. They believe that their neighbours Manchester City only won the Premier League by spending over £100m on some full-backs. Jose Mourinho was sitting at his desk yesterday and a big smile suddenly emerged. Gareth Bale used to play left-back and will cost £122m from Real Madrid. That’s close enough. Jose could even ask Gareth to track back all the time so it looks like he is playing left-back. Done, dusted, the title is going to Old Trafford next season.

United will look to ‘balance the books’ as Mr Ed is learning all about ‘net spend’ this summer by flogging Anthony Martial for £100m plus all the others that have never been ‘good enough for United’.

So, I am still trying to get my head around what is going on at Chelsea and Napoli. Apparently, Maurizio Sarri is still technically manager of Napoli, even though they have appointed Carlo Ancelotti. And Chelsea, well Chelsea are making it very clear they want to offer Sarri the chance to be their gaffer, even though Antonio Conte is still in that position.

Sarri is already lining up signings for Stamford Bridge though, just because he can. Inter’s Mauro Icardi is going to be the next striker through the revolving door meaning Alvaro Morata will be looking for a new home. And, for some odd reason considering Marcos Alonso is decent, Sarri wants to bring Barcelona’s Jordi Alba to London.

However, never forget that Roman Abramovich is a man with a plan. Just in case they cannot sort out Sarri’s employment situation, he has ex-PSG boss Laurent Blanc on speed dial ready to come in and look after things until they sack him in 12 months time. Nice one, Roman.

Crystal Palace have got their heads together and had a meeting titled, ‘how can we stop Zaha from leaving?’ After six hours of talks, someone piped up with ‘why don’t we just give him a new contract with a load more money?’ Genius idea, that and that is exactly what Palace are now doing to ward off interest from all and sundry.

West Ham United have taken a long look at the holes in their defence, created a venn diagram of players with silly first names and defensive quality and come to the conclusion signing someone called Marlon, even if he does come from Barcelona, might be too big a risk even at £15m. I told you, West Ham are going straight.

Finally, David Wagner has got himself a new contract meaning he will stay at Huddersfield Town for a little bit longer. That has made Huddersfield Town fans very happy, which is nice.