LASESARRE, SPAIN - AUGUST 5: Puma Orbita, the official match ball of LaLiga in detail prior the pre-season friendly match between Athletic Club and Real Sociedad on August 5, 2022 at Lasesarre Stadium in Barakaldo, Spain. Noxthirdxpartyxsales PUBLICATIONxNOTxINxJPN 195228971

If Mo Salah wants to take to the field complete with snorkel and flippers, he can!

Jurgen Klopp has publicly called out Mohamed Salah for his dive against Chelsea saying, “that’s not something I want to see”. It’s an interesting tactic by Kloppo, calling out the guy who has made this crazy Liverpool season possible. If this backfires, then Liverpool could finish in 5th and screw up completely in the Champions League Final against Madrid. For me, with 40+ goals to his name, if Mo Salah wants to take to the field complete with snorkel and flippers, he can.

What a week of Premier League football we have lined up for you this week, eh? Doesn’t the end of the season feel completely different to the rest of it? Suddenly crap looking fixtures like Swansea City against Southampton actually mean something. People are allowed to be intrigued by the prospect of Cardiff City being in the top flight. You are allowed to feel a little bit sorry for Paul Lambert but not Charlie Adam.

Relegation Playoff sounds much better

Both Mark Hughes and Carlos Carvalhal have, somewhat boringly, called for calm heads in tonight’s relegation playoff. It’s not actually a playoff, but I felt that calling it a relegation six-pointer was a bit obvious. In simple terms, lose and you are down. Win and you are up and West Bromwich Albion are down. Draw and you are both still in the mud with West Bromwich dreaming of safety. And even winning doesn’t 100% mean you are safe. Clearer now?

Paul Lambert, probably hasn’t quite recovered from the realisation that Stoke City are now a Championship side even though they’ve been playing like one all season, might not be the manager next season after all. His contract has a two-way break clause in the event of relegation, which to a simpleton like me means that either party can walk away once relegated. Stoke’s powers that be had been impressed by Lambert but with this uncertainty breaking it sounds like some agents have been in their ear telling them about the glamour names they could attract to rebuild the club in the summer. Just let Lambert do it, it’s too big a risk for Stoke to fail again next season – Sunderland, anyone?

Wolverhampton Wanderers are hoping to make an impact on the Premier League next season, drawing up quite an impressive list of transfer targets each day. However, the fans are more keen to hear that Ruben Neves, their Champions League level midfielder who, apparently, would be unable to ‘cut it’ in the Championship, is keen to stay at the club despite getting admiring glances from pretty much everyone with some cash to burn.

Peppy G’s Manchester City side currently reside on 94 points. He wants them to finish on 100 which, of course, means winning two more matches. I had to check whether City do have two more matches to play, and they do otherwise Pep would have needed to have been even more of a genius to make it happen. Chelsea hold the current points record with 96, incidentally.

Speaking of Chelsea, it seems like all those years of finishing in 4th place at Arsenal are finally going to be put to good use by Olivier Giroud. The beautiful Frenchman has spoken about his ‘experience’ in these situations and how he could be Chelsea’s ‘lucky charm’. It still baffles me that Arsenal let him go to Stamford Bridge and Chelsea have both Tottenham and Liverpool in their sights as they look to finish their season on a bit of a high.

What happens if you are rubbish against Brighton?

The punishment for being rubbish against Brighton? Anthony Martial is to be sold to somewhere in Italy, we believe. Jose Mourinho has rubber-stamped the deal, booked his flight and told him to make sure he has his passport ready. Juventus is believed to be a potential destination which almost guarantees that Martial will be back in the Premier League in two years time scoring 40+ himself.

United, or shall we say Jose, wants Willian from Chelsea to fill the void and then will move for Lazio’s Sergej Milinković-Savić. The combined deals will cost in the region of £150m.

Borussia Dortmund were prepared to overlook the fact that Tiemoue Bakayoko has been rotten for Chelsea since moving from Monaco and pay Chelsea in the region of £35m for the midfielder so everyone could pretend it never happened. However, Chelsea feel they’ve actually added value to the play and would prefer £53m, a whopping £17m more than they paid last summer.

Up at Anfield, it is thought that a deal with Lyon has been agreed for their star attacked Nabil Fekir and his brother, because Nabil might get lonely otherwise. Kloppo wasn’t so sure though saying, “we agreed a deal during the game? I doubt that”.

Ousmane Dembele has contributed little to Barcelona’s record-breaking season and as a direct result has also ended up on the radar of Liverpool along with Wilf Zaha. It worked out so well for Wilf last time he left London, after all.

Finally, if anyone was wondering how Steven Gerrard is going to work the transfer market we have our answer straight away. Stevie G’s first signing for Rangers will be Liverpool’s Dominic Solanke, on loan. Nobody saw that coming, right?