SOCCER - A.Klagenfurt vs Southampton, test match KLAGENFURT,AUSTRIA,18.JUL.22 - SOCCER - ADMIRAL Bundesliga, Premier League, SK Austria Klagenfurt vs FC Southampton, test match. Image shows a ball. PUBLICATIONxNOTxINxAUTxSUIxSWE GEPAxpictures/xFlorianxMori

In the least surprising headline of recent times, the Guardian felt compelled to inform me yesterday that ‘Liverpool target new goalkeeper after Loris Karius’ final blunders’. I’m filing that one under ‘world exclusives by the big G that justify me giving them a fiver a month’. I mean, that is next level journalism right there.

Jurgen Klopp has flicked through a quickly thrown together list of ‘goalkeepers less likely to completely f**k up a Champions League Final for everyone else than Loris’ and AS Roma’s Allison has caught his eye. The fact that Allison can catch anything is a step up, eh?

Following the lack of obvious support to Karius after the final whistle, Liverpool players have been pouring out their understanding, forgiveness and pretty much everything else via social media in the last 48 hours because, sadly, that’s how they do it nowadays. No actual face to face consoling needs to take place when the right tweet accompanied with the correct emoji can make all the pain go away. I mean, really? We live in a world where players are so conscious of cameras that they cover their mouths when they are basically saying, “let me take this one”. So you are telling me that they didn’t realise the impact of not going up to their teammate straight after the final whistle? Hmmm. You’ll never walk alone, alright.

The other guy that changed the game, Gareth Bale, has put the world on red alert as he wants to join a football team that might put him in the starting XI. Manchester City have made it clear they are not that football team which means, apparently, Jose Mourinho is now on red alert. Not content with signing just one player City chose not to take (Alexis Sanchez and boy that’s worked out for Jose), United want two. And what the world really wants to see is less overhead kick genius from the Welshman and more tracking back and supporting either full back. It’s a match made in heaven.

Back over in Liverpool, Mohamed Salah is heading off to Marbs with the medical staff to try and see if the no carbs diet will fix his shoulder in time for a trip to Russia. Marbella can do many things, Mo but fix a knackered shoulder I am not so sure of.

Liverpool have been linked to AS Monaco’s Fabinho for £50m. Some people (@underthecosh) have suggested it is to use their full ‘inho’ quota after Cout left for Barca. Personally, I think it is to put the Fab back into their Fab Four. We are probably both very wide of the mark.

Roman Abramovich has moved to Israel as he has found the house prices in Chelsea ridiculous. Or, it is because he has been denied a visa to the UK. I prefer the first reason. It turns out that being granted Israeli citizenship means Rom can enter the UK without a visa. Rule bending? Russians? Never.