Mock the Moment

So, some top US doctors are peddling the ‘fact’ that Loris Karius suffered concussion during the Champions League Final defeat for Liverpool against Real Madrid.

There’s going to be plenty of sensible chat around this subject, I am sure, but I would be doing both of you reading this a huge disservice if I were to join that chat. Let’s just go for the obvious, shall we?

Loris Karius only suffered concussion because his entire team beat the crap out of him after the game for costing them their one shot at European glory!

Or, it might have actually happened when Sergio Ramos (who else) landed an elbow in Karius’ face, off-the-ball and almost off-camera, a few minutes before Loris tried to roll the ball through Karim Benzema.

So, it has to be a rematch then, no?

Where’s the petition for that to happen, eh?

Arsenal fans have had a glimpse into what the future looks like without Arsene Wenger and one of Arsene’s big rules has been broken already. Unai Emery has rubber-stamped a move for Juventus right-back Stephan Lichtsteiner who was unveiled today. Lichtsteiner is 34! Arsene is turning in his Emirates grave already, thinking about all the right-back potential in the Academy who will now miss out. On a more concerning note, does this mean Bellerin has taken a step towards the exit?

Unai Emery has also decided that you need a little bit more than small, technically adept midfielders if he is to win the Europa League next season. Yesterday, we linked Steven N’Zonzi to the club. Today, we are raising it a few notches and talking Marouane Fellaini! Oh yes. Emery sees the tree as the perfect thing to plant in the middle of the pitch, strong as an oak and about as mobile as one too. He also sees central defence as a slightly weak spot and, as the saying goes, “you don’t win the Europa League for three seasons in a row with Rob Holding playing centre-back” so Emery is looking to snap up Borussia Dortmund’s Sokratis Papastathopoulos as soon as he can.

In one of the more laughable bits of news to come out of Madrid in recent weeks, Zizou was conveniently planning a TREBLE PREMIER LEAGUE swoop before his surprise resignation. Real Madrid were going to sign Eden Hazard, Sadio Mane and David de Gea before Zidane ruined it all by walking away. Yes, of course they were. More importantly, who is taking over at the Bernabeu? Madrid say the have given up on the Poch, but they haven’t really and if they cannot get him then you may take your pick from Antonio Conte, Arsene and Max Allegri who is being linked to more jobs than Alan Curbishley nowadays.

Conte, of course, is still technically manager at Chelsea who seem less and less likely to appoint Maurizio Sarri, which will disappoint fans of managers smoking in the dugout all over the West End. No matter though, because Laurent Blanc is lurking in the shadows.

Having got so much success from taking Mark Hughes from Stoke City, kinda, Southampton see that as a recipe worth cooking once again and are looking to change the badge on Shaqiri’s red-and-white kit. Shaqiri has got wind of the fact that Tottenham might be interested though, and that is his preferred destination. And, who can blame him?

Roy Hodgson might have performed miracles in keeping Crystal Palace in the Premier League this season but all that good work is threatening to be undone due to someone not filing their accounts. According to the Guardian, ‘Crystal Palace have been threatened with being dissolved and struck off the companies register, for being more than two months late filing their annual accounts for last year’ and this is not a good thing. Not a good thing, at all.

Yaya Toure went on the attack on Monday and followed it up yesterday by taking the race card out his pack and placing it firmly on the table, suggesting that Peppy G has a problem with African players.

In this interview with France Football which, frankly, can’t be much of an exclusive now as we know everything that was said, Toure said, “He [Guardiola] insists he has no problems with black players because he is too intelligent to be caught out. But when you realise that he has problems with Africans, wherever he goes, I ask myself questions. He will never admit it. But the day he will line up a team in which we find five Africans, not naturalised, I promise I will send him a cake.”

The best thing about that quote, if you ignore the complete rubbish Toure is spouting? The reference to buying a cake. That kind of humour is what we appreciate here at GSITM, Yaya. Bravo.