SOCCER - A.Klagenfurt vs Southampton, test match KLAGENFURT,AUSTRIA,18.JUL.22 - SOCCER - ADMIRAL Bundesliga, Premier League, SK Austria Klagenfurt vs FC Southampton, test match. Image shows a ball. PUBLICATIONxNOTxINxAUTxSUIxSWE GEPAxpictures/xFlorianxMori

Yikes, I’m in a bit of trouble this morning. There’s no news to make fun of.

I’m serious. There’s nothing. Nada.

Unless you count Jose Mourinho moaning but is that even news anymore?

Jose sat in his press conference after his United C team lost to Liverpool’s B team in some Mickey Mouse preseason tournament in the States and made it very clear he was not happy. Which is standard for Jose, isn’t it?

It’s the third season and Jose is heading into it without a league title to shore himself up with. And the reason United aren’t winning the title and are already “in trouble” this season? You guessed it, United are not spending enough money. And Liverpool are. Which is why, according to Jose, Liverpool must win something this season.

Mourinho might have a point though, bizarrely. Liverpool have gone big this summer and their squad looks much better than last season – signing a new goalkeeper made that happen instantly. United have brought in a defensive-minded midfielder, a teenage right-back and Lee Grant. Yeah, yeah – they are linked to Willian, Harry Maguire, Yerry Mina and a few others but even if you added those three to the squad (hell, add as many Croatians as you want too) you still cannot see United getting anywhere near City next season.

So, ergo, Jose is grumpy (and probably starting to work out what his severance pay could be this time).

Chelsea manager Maurizio Sarri is throwing around transfer bids as frequently as he sparks up a new cigarette. Understandably not content with just bringing in Rob Green, Sarri has been linked to Bernard, Daniele Rugani, Wilf Zaha, Mattia Caldara, Gonzalo Higuain and, laughably, Arsenal’s Aaron Ramsey.

What does Unai Emery make of that last one? Well, we don’t really know other than that in today’s daft market £30m seems rather cheap for an experienced Premier League midfielder. Unai might be thinking that Arsenal have some very nice young talent coming through and £30m is a good price for Ramsey. Did I type Unai? That sounds like a very Arsene conclusion to draw.

And that folks, that really is that for this morning.

It wasn’t really worth your 30 seconds of reading, was it? You’ve not exactly learned anything new. And for that, I humbly apologise. Rest assured, all kinds of breaking news is kicking off right now so tomorrow morning’s one will be much better than this.

Until tomorrow, then? Lovely.