Funny Football News Premier League Sheffield Wednesday Steve Bruce Newcastle

I don’t think I’ve ever mentioned Sheffield Wednesday as much as I have done this week – after all, they are so far off the Premier League they are unlikely to disgrace this column week in week out for many years to come.

But they are providing much entertainment at the moment as the whole Steve Bruce saga rolls on.

Yesterday, we reported that Wednesday were demanding that Newcastle loaned them a couple of players so that they would forget all about how Steve Bruce upped sticks and legged it to St James’ Park seconds after Mike Ashley first hitched up his skirt in Bruce’s direction.

Today, well today we can only presume that Newcastle said no as Wednesday have reported Mike Ashley and his cronies to the FA and the EFL – yes, they’ve properly snitched on them.

It would appear that Wednesday’s main bone of contention is the fact that Bruce and his assistants all quit the club only to surprisingly be unveiled at Newcastle less than 48 hours later – whilst compensation was yet to be agreed.

Who’d have thought that Newcastle wouldn’t have done it the way it should have been done, eh?

Imagine being Rafa Benitez right now, though. You’ve spent three years trying to get Ashley to back you in the transfer market and within a fortnight of Brucey having his feet under the table good ol’ Michael has gifted him a massively overrated striker from Brazil for near on £40m.

How does that feel Rafa?

I wouldn’t worry though, Salomon Rondon was better and hey, he’s followed you to China my old China.

Joelinton, on paper, looks like everything that the Geordie fans should fall in love with. Big, strong, Brazilian and keen to wear the number nine shirt. The problem is, he’s really not that good.

Manchester United are really not that arsed about having a Technical Director. They’ve been pretending to look for one for a year now and nobody has passed Mr Ed’s interview test. After all, there’s not many out there that can know more about negotiating a transfer than Ed Woodward, right?

Speaking of which, what’s happening with Harry Maguire, Ed? Ed? Or Bruno Fernandes? Ed? Ed, don’t ignore me. I just want to know if you are any closer to bringing in Sean Longstaff?

Still at Old Trafford, Nicky Butt has been promoted to some kind of 1st team development role created to oversee the transition from Academy player to first-team player at United. I’m not buying that for a single second. OGS wants to beef up his midfield in the 1st team coaches XI because, as we all know, Michael Carrick hasn’t put a tackle in in his life.

Fabian Delph has, shockingly, said that he’d like Idrissa Gana Gueye to stay at Everton next season and ignore the eyelid fluttering coming once again from PSG. What’s that, Fab? You’d like the midfielder who will do all your running for you next season to stick around? Now there’s a surprise.

Someone who won’t be doing any Premier League running next season is Gareth Bale. In between uttering the word ‘disgrace’ over and over again, Bale’s agent (whose name escapes me right now he is that insignificant – James Barnett or something?) has made it very clear indeed that Gareth will not be leaving Real Madrid on loan – so that’s that then, a permanent transfer only. And there’s only them in China with much more money than sense that could make that happen. Have fun, Gareth – I think they have some golf courses out there.

Having seen Chelsea beat Barcelona again yesterday, Callum Hudson-Odoi is prepared to overlook the pathetic ‘bantz’ from the club’s social media agency and sign a new bumper five-year-deal and commit his future to Frank Lampard. That’s two big contracts Chelsea have handed out to two young English players, both of whom are still recovering from very serious Achilles’ injuries – I mean, we don’t actually know if they are going to be the same players when they return, do we? John Barnes almost trebled in size after his went playing for England that time.

Peppy G has utterly refuted claims that Man City were anything less than absolutely lovely during their trip to China.

Tottenham are closing in on the Argentinian midfielder Giovanni Lo Celso from Real Betis who have just signed Lo Celso’s replacement in Nabil Fekir – which probably means that Christian Eriksen is off somewhere. And those ‘somewheres’ could still be Real Madrid – which would spell the end of their interest in Paul Pogba – or Manchester United, where he would probably replace Paul Pogba.

Tottenham are hoping to keep well clear of all that rubbish and just snap up Fulham’s Ryan Sessegnon to plug the gap soon to be left by the departure of Danny Rose.