Dear reader, you are an intelligent soul. You know as well as I do that if Peter Crouch moving back into the Premier League is the ‘big story’ on transfer deadline day then the whole thing has become a bit of a non-event.
I have nothing against Crouchy, nothing at all. He delivers one of my favourite podcasts and he scored 100 Premier League goals; a tally that could even increase after he ended up heading to Sean Dyche’s Burnley as the makeweight in a deal that saw Sam Vokes go to Stoke.
Crouch is now 38. It’s a curious signing, to say the least. But, just the idea of him lining up alongside Ashley Barnes makes me smile, thinking back to when Crouch came on as sub for his England debut alongside Shaun Wright-Phillips.
I’d go as far as saying it might be time to scrap the whole deadline day circus on TV. Jim White’s yellow tie is virtually redundant as nothing that interesting seems to happen anymore.
Clubs in England are getting a little more switched on, believe it or not. The penny seems to have dropped that it just doesn’t make sense to panic in the last 24 hours and spend £40m on a player that you don’t really want.
And, as a result, the whole thing has become a bit dull.
You don’t believe me?
Let me show you some evidence from yesterday.
Exhibit A: Youri Tielemens arrives at Leicester City on loan. Sure, Tielemens is a good prospect but the only half interesting thing about this is that going the other way is Adrien Silva, a player who has got form on deadline day in the past, if you remember.
Exhibit B: Michy Batshuayi to Crystal Palace. Seriously, Palace? You haven’t learned from previous Belgian centre-forwards? I like Michy-B, but I cannot see this going well.
Exhibit C: Jonny Otto’s loan deal at Wolves being made permanent. £18m for a left-back. I know Wolves have grand designs on being the next Man City, but £18m for a left-back? Come on now, folks. This is just getting silly.
And that was pretty much it.
Yes, Newcastle brought in someone from Monaco on-loan and Cardiff City nabbed someone from reading but I can’t even be bothered to research those.
What about the players who their managers wanted rid of and will be bounding into training this morning with a cheery ‘hiya, gaffer!’
Gary Cahil is still at Chelsea. Somehow, both Javier Hernandez and Lucas Perez still get to use their claret and blue West Ham towels. Vincent bloody Janssen can still dream of moving up to the fifth understudy to Harry Kane. And Callum Hudson-Odoi has cancelled all viewings on penthouse flats in Munich.
I am sure we can all agree that the rumours are far more fun.
As soon as the window slammed shut the rumour mill started once more and guess what?
Manchester United want to shell out £90m for Borussia Dortmund star manchild Jadon Sancho. That’s right, they didn’t even know who Sancho was when he lived down the road but now there is a chance to spend silly money on a player they are all over it. Things might be changing on the pitch at Old Trafford but that boardroom remains the same.
Transfer windows, eh?
What a mood killer.