funny football news premier league daniel sturridge

As the dust firmly settles on another Premier League weekend and we brace ourselves for another pointless international break, let us all take a moment to pay tribute to a player that has announced he has hung up his boots at the age of 37.

Joe Cole has told us he is finished which was quite a surprising announcement as I’d assumed he had retired already. Even so, Joe Cole was one of my favourite players in the world before Jose got hold of him.

Another player who is seeing his career take a slightly different route since being Mourinhoed is Brazil’s Fred. Bought for £50m or so in the summer, Fred is fully aware of his place in the pecking order when a half-fit Fellaini is preferred to him in midfield. As a result, he wants out before his self-esteem really goes and January is the first chance he gets to do one. Surprisingly, I have no clubs to link him too at this stage so let’s say Everton.

Manchester City feel that their midfield could be improved even further. Or, conversely, they feel it is better not to let any of their rivals strengthen their middle of the park, so they are going to buy Ajax’s Frenkie de Jong just because they can and also because he is rather good.

Roy Hodgson is sick of the stick he is getting at Palace so is going to go and buy a Schick to beat the fans with. He is in for Roma’s beanpole striker who was supposed to be good but clearly isn’t that good if he is being linked to Palace. Sorry Danny Welbeck, it’s true.

Welbeck has undergone two surgeries on his broken ankle but has no reason to feel down in the dumps after the Arsenal squad FaceTimed him before they were nearly blown away by Wolves. Here’s a thought, chaps. Focus, win the game and then give him a call, eh?

As I’ve mentioned a few times, Welbeck is challenging Daniel Sturridge in the injury stakes now so Sturridge is needing to come up with new ways to not get on a football field. He is experimenting with getting himself a ban for betting irregularities following his rubbish loan move to WBA last season. It is not believed Sturridge placed any bets himself, but might have (allegedly) passed on some information to someone who might have placed a bet and might have won some money. I am guessing that info was ‘mate, I’m injured so don’t bet on me scoring today’.

Aaron Ramsey is still being linked to AC Milan and so is Southampton’s striker Manolo Gabbiadini, which is a little bizarre. Bringing those two in January is hardly reminiscent of the Gullit, Van Basten and Rijkaard days.

Another odd one is former Manchester United prospect Nick Powell being linked to RB Leipzig, a club thought to have a good eye for a young signing. Powell is currently with Wigan. Yes, Wigan.

Finally today, PSG’s Dani Alves has said he will definitely play in the Premier League before he retires. West Ham are thought to be salivating at the prospect of massively overpaying him for a very poor season before he calls it a day.