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There has to be some kind of relevant gag combining the time of year with how well both goalkeepers coped with crosses at the Emirates on Saturday night. You know, something that takes pumpkins and fireworks and cleverly works in how both Bernd Leno (and isn’t Bernd a great Bonfire Night name?) and Alisson were terrible at least once each when the ball was put in from wide.

Unai Emery, a manager on his birthday who wouldn’t have had to have worked too hard to pull off a convincing Dracula, will have been delighted with how his Arsenal team managed to come away with a point, following an excellent goal from Alexandre Lacazette.

Jurgen Klopp was correct in his assertation that anybody, including himself, who could head a ball would have taken all three of Virgil van Dijk’s chances; misses that meant Liverpool dropped two valuable points in the race to make the media at least pretend they think anyone other than Manchester City is winning the title this season.

City battered Southampton 6-1. Does anyone feel sorry for Mark Hughes? No? Didn’t think so. Talking about how Peppy G’s boys pulled another poor team to pieces is becoming a bit dull now but credit for Raheem Sterling for putting in a performance that even the Daily Mail must have scored at at least 9/10.

Alvaro Morata might be ‘mentally fragile’ according to his boss Maurizio Sarri, but he did score the double that helped Chelsea to a hard-fought 3-1 win over Crystal Palace. Mind you, he should have had a hat-trick if he hadn’t thought that another way to beat a 6ft 6 goalkeeper in Wayne Hennessy was to try and chip him.

Are we allowed to say Tottenham are good, yet? Hang on, let me revise that. Are we allowed to say that Tottenham are good, providing they never, ever select Juan Foyth to play a proper match ever again? I’ve seen some dud debuts in my time, but this one smacked of a young man that followed Ray Winstone’s advice at half-time that 3-3 was a likely outcome at 50/1.

We live in a world where Bournemouth leading and outplaying Manchester United at halftime is no longer a surprise. Equally, we live in a world where United are the masters of the comeback once again, where important goals get scored in injury-time and points get snatched. Anthony Martial continued his revival and then it was down to Marcus Rashford to end his birthday weekend with his first goal as a twenty-one-year-old.

Joe Hart was letting goals in once more at the Athletics Stadium as Burnley were trounced 4-2 by West Ham United. There is every chance Sean Dyche could have the sexiest voice in the Championship next season at this rate.

Javi Gracia’s self-proclaimed ‘best squad in the league’ didn’t really live up to that title, becoming the first Premier League side to lose to Newcastle this season. Ayoze Perez got the goal after Watford missed more chances than I saw trick-or-treaters last week.

Save of the weekend had to go, without doubt, to Cardiff City’s Sol Bamba. The only problem was, Sol was playing centre-half for Cardiff when he brilliantly kept out Jamie Vardy’s shot in a very emotional match being played in Wales.

Lee Probert incredibly failed to see the Cardiff defender tip to ball on to the bar, brilliantly I might add, but it mattered not as Demarai Gray scored the goal that gave Leicester the win they craved following last weekend’s tragedy. Probert’s day got better when he booked the match winner for pulling off his shirt and revealing a tribute to his late boss. Once again, common sense seems to be missing at the most valuable of times.

Finally today, that Richarlison lad at Everton looks like a total bargain. I can’t believe people were calling him a waste of money before the season had even started.