Welcome, dear reader. For it is another day in the Premier League world. Another day in the January transfer window of 2019 and another day where I attempt to find the funny football news from within all that stuff being passed off as important factual narrative.
Right now, if I were an Arsenal defender, I’d be wrapping myself up in so much cotton wool passers-by in the street would think that the Michelin man had returned and they were in some weird real-life Ghostbusters scene.
In a season that has seen almost every member of the Arsenal back three or four, depending on Unai Emery’s mood, struck down with something there is further bad news. Hector Bellerin’s knee gave way under the weight of that moustache and he will miss the rest of the season with a ruptured cruciate ligament.
In further bad news for the Gunners, Carl Jenkinson has been named as Emery as a potential replacement. Jenkinson, a random BBC Sport quiz reminded me the other day, has an England cap. An actual cap for his country. Never say caps are worthless in the modern game again.
Huddersfield Town have named their new manager and believe they got it so right last time in appointing David Wagner that they are going to follow exactly the same process once more.
Jan Siewart is the new man and he comes from Borussia Dortmund’s U23 team just like Wagner. Actually, just like Daniel Farke too – and he is currently doing bits and pieces rather well in the Championship with Norwich City.
After Sky Sports mistakenly identified Martin from Wakefield, a random Huddersfield fan who is a dead ringer from Siewart, as the new Huddersfield manager at the weekend and tried to interview him, the club went all in on social media with one of the better #announcements we have seen this January.
Chelsea need Alvaro Morata to hurry up and confirm his loan move to La Liga and Atletico Madrid where he last played as a mere boy. As soon as this is done, then Gonzalo Higuain will be whisked over to Stamford Bridge and unveiled as the new saviour in much the same way as Fernando Torres, Andrei Shevchenko, Chris Sutton and Robert Fleck have all been unveiled in the past.
January cannot really be considered a transfer window unless West Ham’s Andy Carroll is hilariously linked to a club that is currently lacking a striker. Therefore, Andy Carroll is off to Spurs who cannot afford to watch Fernando Llorente lumber around in place of Harry Kane when there is the opportunity to let Carroll do exactly the same with even less impact.
Ole Gunnar Solskjaer has given Matteo Darmian a flash of that smile, thanked him for all his efforts and packed him off to Juventus in Serie A. It’s another loan with an option to buy at the end of the season because that seems to be rather fashionable at the moment.