Funny Football News Manchester United Shaw Martial Mourinho

It’s properly tough being Jose Mourinho at the moment, isn’t it?

All he wants is a little R-E-S-P-E-C-T in the fortnight after Aretha passed away and what he is actually getting is journalists having pops at him left, right and centre, Mr Ed being visibly advised to sack him, international sides calling up players that he doesn’t really feel are good enough for his very poor team and players he wants rid of being offered five-year contracts.

That’s right – Jose may still not be completely sold on the virtues of Luke Shaw, despite him being Manchester United‘s best player so far this season but Gareth Southgate wants him back in an England shirt so much so that he has told Ashley Young to stand down for the European Nations League matches coming up.

What? But Ashley Young is Jose’s #1 pick at full-back – either side! If Jose had two Ashley Youngs then United would have NO full-back issues, right?

Ahem, possibly not. Could it actually be that Luke Shaw is still a cracking prospect that just took a little time to recover from that shocking leg-break against PSV and just needed someone to allow his confidence to grow? Who on earth could be the right manager to put his arm around him, tell him it is all OK and just to go and express himself on the pitch? We still love Gareth Southgate, don’t we?

The other kick to Mourinho’s shins this morning is the news that Anthony Martial has been offered a five-year deal by the club despite Jose making it very clear he wants him out the door pronto. Could that mean that the United hierarchy see Martial as part of the long-term future of the club whereas Mourinho‘s egg-timer has almost run out? I think this is the only conclusion we can draw but it would be nice to see Martial actually put in a couple of shifts that suggest he can actually still play the beautiful game.

I’m sure you are all dying to hear the latest on Danny Rose and his potential European adventures. He’s thinking of turning down a loan move to PSG and he is “not listening to speculation.” Oh, Danny. You will feel awful silly when the Poch puts Ben Davies back into the big matches.

There are several other Premier League rejects waiting to be rehomed in Europe before tomorrow night’s deadline.

Everton’s Sandro Ramirez is going to go home to La Liga and play for Real Sociedad – Sandro is yet another La Liga talent criminally wasted by a Premier League club but hey, what do they care? He was cheap as chips.

Over the road in Merseyside, Liverpool are still hoping to reduce the pegs in their changing room by sending Divock Origi, Lazar Markovic, Sheyi Ojo and Pedro Chirivella to anywhere they can on loan.

Newcastle lost to Nottingham Forest in the League Cup last night and Rafa did his best to pretend he gave a toss. He’s Spanish you see, they don’t do League Cups over there.

Finally, today, do you remember when the Telegraph managed to stitch up Big Sam and get him sacked? Yeah, back in 2016 that was. And we could have had Sam leading us on the #itscominghome crusade if they hadn’t. Well, Big Sam took the Telegraph to court on that sting. And Big Sam lost. Does this finally mean he can stop banging on about his 100% England win record now?