Funny Football News Jose Mourinho Manchester United Paul Pogba

Tick tock, tick tock. That transfer window will be shut this time next week which leaves only SIX more sleeps for Premier League clubs to some absolute panic buying.

The rumour mill is turning faster than ever before, the Premier League hamsters powering it as best as their little legs can muster.

But was has been going on in the last 48 hours?

Jose Mourinho might be about to cheer the f*** up as Yerry Mina looks like he might be prepared to jump out of one frying pan and into another by swapping Barcelona for Manchester United. It’s been talked about for days but today might be the actual day. I presume that leaves Harry Maguire having to try and make Wes Morgan look good again.

Buy one Jose and it gives you an excuse to bin off some of the rubbish. Marcos Rojo could be offloaded to Everton for £30m and United are hopeful they can find someone willing to overlook Chris Smalling’s averageness and give them at least £25m. Wolves would be interested as long as they can be convinced he is at least a quarter Portuguese.

Some idiots are trying to suggest that a deal for Paul Pogba could be done in less than a week with Barcelona allegedly keen to pair the World Cup winner with Arturo Vidal. As if that could happen in a week. What do you mean ‘Ronaldo did it!’?

Chelsea are thought to be rivalling Tottenham Hotspur in sending Jack Grealish some love notes and telling them he can stay in John Terry’s old bedroom.

OH, AND NEWCASTLE UNITED PAID MONEY FOR SOMEONE!

Yes, I kid you not. Mike Ashley parted with some actual hard-earned to give Rafa Benitez a gift that he was probably not expecting. Japanese striker Yoshinori Muto signed from Mainz for £9.5m but Rafa is ‘still worried’ and who can blame him?

Fulham, on the other hand, are throwing good money around on good players and picked up Swansea City’s Alfie Mawson for a mere £20m. Surely this has to go in the “bloody good business” file?

Burnley are doing their very best to replicate the transfer model of Tottenham Hotspur and by that I mean they haven’t signed anyone yet. They’d love to bring Jay Rodriguez back to Turf Moor but West Bromwich Albion are not too keen on that idea.

Crystal Palace though, woof. What a day they had yesterday. Max Meyer on a free transfer?Yes please Roy, yes please indeed. And West Ham midfielder Cheikhou Kouyaté for just £9.5m? Oh go on then, you are spoiling me rotten today.

Even Everton appear to have made a signing which might not just be pissing money into a ditch – they paid £19m for Barcelona defender Lucas Digne which isn’t as bonkers as it might sound.