LASESARRE, SPAIN - AUGUST 5: Puma Orbita, the official match ball of LaLiga in detail prior the pre-season friendly match between Athletic Club and Real Sociedad on August 5, 2022 at Lasesarre Stadium in Barakaldo, Spain. Noxthirdxpartyxsales PUBLICATIONxNOTxINxJPN 195228971

Tottenham fans, rejoice.

Your main man, Harry Kane of Norf Landan, is being held in very high esteem indeed.

His name is on a shortlist that includes Zlatan Ibrahimovic AND Radamel Falcao, I kid you not.

And, reader, that shortlist is to become the new Real Madrid target man. Yes, yes indeed.

With Spurs losing money daily on their somewhat delayed move home, a big enough bid would surely catch the attention of Daniel Levy. But, if Madrid can go and get a semi-retired Zlatan for a fraction of the price then you’d suspect Harry is staying at Wembley for now.

Now that Gary Neville is warming to the idea of Jordan Pickford being a top-level goalkeeper, he won’t be too offended by the fact that Everton and England’s number one is being eyed up by Manchester United as the probably panic buy if David de Gea does finally leave Old Trafford. With the Spanish keeper still not signing a new deal, United will need someone bloody good to earn all those points and Mr Ed seems to think Pickford is the man.

AC Milan might be doing a sign-one-get-one-free deal with Chelsea by taking both Cesc Fabregas and Gary Cahill off Sarri’s hands come the end of the season. Both are out of contract and Milan clearly haven’t got a clue about what needs to be signed to topple Juventus.

Big Virgil scored a late leveller for the Netherlands last night, a goal that saw Germany fail to win again (they were already relegated from the UEFA Nations League top-flight). The goal saw a resurgent Holland book their tickets to the party in Portugal next summer, something that Belgium were hilariously unable to do the night before. Lukaku et al led Switzerland 2-0 before falling 5-2. We think they might have decided, collectively, that a summer holiday in 2019 was needed.

Am I right in thinking that the semi-finals for the Nations League will be between England, Portugal, Netherlands and Switzerland?

You know what to sing.