Funny Football News England Southgate Kane

So, Harry Kane is to be dropped rested for England’s meaningless friendly tonight against Switzerland.

According to the very caring Gareth Southgate, his captain is in danger of burnout considering he started 61 matches last season – though, a cynic (which I am) could argue he was rested in the last four England games in Russia. That means we could be treated to an electric strikeforce of Danny Welbeck and Marcus Rashford tonight. Even though both players managed to get the ball in the back of the net at the weekend, it hardly feels Lineker and Beardsley, does it?

Southgate will make nine changes tonight as he bids to become the first England manager in history to lose four games in a row, completing his master plan to bring expectations surrounding the national side back to Earth with a thud. That said, in Southgate’s defence, not many England managers have led the country to a World Cup semi-final, so we should lay off him a little bit.

Word in the tabloid street is that Southgate is considering heading back into club management in a couple of years’ time when he turns 50, but he might be doing that with the unenviable record of being the only man to be relegated from a league with a club side (Middlesbrough) and a nation (England). Mind you, Chris Coleman’s career has gone well since he left Wales, so Gareth has nothing to fear, eh?

If you thought the UEFA Nations League was supposed to bring an end to pointless midweek international matches you are not alone – I thought we were done with these matches? If there are no Nations League matches, why can’t there be no game?

I don’t know what is actually in Maurizio Sarri’s cigarettes but the Chelsea gaffer seems to think an AC Milan going through a mini-rejuvenation thing might be interested in letting two of their best young defenders go. Sarri still wants Mattia Caldara having not got him in the summer and wouldn’t kick Alessio Romagnoli out of bed either. Sarri is that out of hit that he thinks the offer of some loose change and Cesc Fabregas will seal the deal.

Over at Old Trafford, Manchester United are currently advertising the position of ‘recruitment analyst’ which I am sure will please Jose no end. Some kid with a laptop telling him that there is no way on this planet that United should be offering Leicester City £65m for a defender that looked OK in the World Cup until he came up against some proper strikers. Yes, Jose will be full on board with that idea…