funny football news chelsea sarri morata

It says something about your current lot in life when scoring a late winner against Vidi in the Europa League is enough to bring tears to your eyes.

Alvaro Morata arrived at Stamford Bridge a while ago now, vaunted as the striker that was so good Real Madrid and Juventus were tossing them between themselves like a toy two dogs really liked and the owner decided the best thing to do was let them share it.

He was Spain’s number 9, of sorts. If we look beyond the fact he hadn’t actually played that much football in his career so far, it was widely thought Chelsea had pulled off a bit of a coup.

Ah, Chelsea and big money strikers. I’m quietly confident when I say that the list of ‘failures’ is much longer than the list of ‘successes’.

Anyway, we are in danger of digressing far too early in today’s waffle and you could well accuse me of padding nice and early as there really isn’t too much football funny to report today.

Chelsea won their Europa League game 1-0. Big ha!

Arsenal headed off to Azerbaijan to play Qarabag last night and we all know Unai Emery’s pedigree in the Europa League. Three players scored their first goals for the club in Sokratis, Emile Smith Rowe and Guendozi. Danny Welbeck played which refutes any suggestion that Emery was prepared to play a full strength side. But this Arsenal side just keep on winning – does anyone know if they are playing anyone good, soon?

I was unaware that Gareth Southgate was also managing England U21s at the same time as the full England squad. It says here that he has called up Mason Mount, Jadon Sancho and James Maddison which isn’t that big a news story as they are all more than good enough for our U21 side. Oh, he’s called them into the senior squad, you say? Now that is exciting. Chalobah as well? Interesting. Ross Barkley too, you say? Blimey. I might even watch the UEFA Nations League match against Croatia.

This one will make this column a little wittier today and I don’t even need to attempt a punchline for you. Mike Ashley and Rafa Benitez went out for dinner the other night and Rafa has walked away thinking that Ashley will give him some significant money to spend in January. I know, right? Ashley also met the first-team squad and promised a bonus and a holiday if they manage to avoid relegation. That’ll be a £100 House of Fraser voucher and a trip to Whitley Bay then. I’m in.

Thierry Henry and Paolo Fonseca are leading the chase to become the man not to be given the Aston Villa job because why would you do that to a potentially promising career?