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Gah, taking my usual Thursday morning writing break was a bit foolish this European midweek.

Thanks a lot, Hugo Lloris.

You see, I like to have Thursday mornings free to reflect on the chaos that is the world of football and think about how we can all make it a better place.

And now, as a result, my piss-taking of Tottenham is at least 24 hours late. But hey, we won’t let that stop us.

Go back a few weeks when Spurs led Inter in the San Siro with moments remaining. Yeah, they managed to lose that. Bravo, Spurs. On Wednesday night, they could not have been more in control against PSV if they tried and that is a dangerous place for Tottenham to reside.

Hugo Lloris is clearly a man who likes injecting a bit of drama into life so he took it upon himself to leg it out of his goal and chop down Chucky outside the area resulting in a clear red card.

Could Spurs hang on for ten minutes with ten men? Of course, they could not and the goal came from a situation where it mattered not whether they had ten or twenty men on the pitch – the dreaded set-piece.

As a result, Spurs are out of the Champions League. OK; they are not actually out (yet) as they just need to beat both PSV and Inter at home and then Barcelona in the Camp Nou. And I say there isn’t hope?

Real Madrid are most likely in the market for a new coach given the ‘crapness that Julen Lopetegui is delivering in the Bernabeu. I’d wager now might be the perfect time to drop a call into the Poch’s agent.

Jurgen Klopp is adamant that we should all talking about Mohammed Salah’s ‘slump’ after he scored twice against Red Star at Anfield on Wednesday night. Salah’s brace saw him knock up 50 for Liverpool quicker than any other player in history. That’s all well and good, Jurgey lad but the only reason Salah has achieved that was because he was bloody brilliant last season. Getting to 50 now doesn’t mean he is playing that well this season and, frankly, we cannot completely rule out the chances of a Red Star official having a bet on Liverpool winning 4-0 with Salah notching two.

Last night saw Arsenal crank it up to 11 wins in a row with a solid performance away in Portugal. They beat Sporting 1-0 thanks to a goal from Danny Welbeck which was gifted to him by Liverpool flop Seb Coates. Coates took it like a man though, headbutting an Arsenal player (I can’t remember which one, sorry) off the ball before the end of the game. He’s had better nights (but not at Anfield).

Arsenal play Palace at the weekend, a team that has not scored a goal at home since May. You know what’s coming, right?

Ruben Loftus-Cheek hasn’t really been seen much since the World Cup but he reminded the world of his presence last night by netting all three Chelsea goals against BATE. Christ, stick him up-front. He can’t be worse than Morata and Giroud.

Apparently, Peppy G has had enough of Benjamin Mendy’s social media antics and is looking for a left-back that will put more effort into training than Instagram. Juventus’ perennially-linked-to-the-Premier-League Alex Sandro is on the list. This might go ahead if the new Real Madrid coach wants to sell Marcelo to the Old Lady in January.

We mentioned the fact that Crystal Palace have been a little goal-shy in recent times so there is only one way to solve that. No, it’s not cloning Wilf Zaha. No, it’s not cancelling the contract of Christian Benteke either. Actually, I am not convinced it’s bringing in Inter’s Gabriel Barbosa now I think of it but that is what is being rumoured. ‘Gabigol’ was bought by Inter to mass acclaim a few years ago given that he’d had a better start to his career in Brazil than someone you may have heard of; Neymar.

The only problem is, ‘Gabigol’ became ‘Gabi-no-goals’ in Milan and has been sent back to Brazil on loan with a view to being flogged. Sold that is, not actually flogged for being awful.

He’ll do well at Palace then. Well, he will fit in, anyway.