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The Poch isn’t happy that the transfer window closes early this summer and, frankly, neither am I. What on earth am I going to write about once crazy rumours like Aaron Ramsey to Chelsea stop being relevant?

Yes, you read that correctly. It would appear that Chelsea have got a random name generator running their transfer business this summer as they are being linked to almost anyone and everyone and very few of them make sense. Don’t forget, the only player they have actually signed is Rob Green so my theory is believable.

It is believed that Aaron Ramsey is top of at least one list at Chelsea though this potential move could be scuppered by the fact that Arsenal are trying to broker a deal with Barcelona for Ousmane Dembele and, guess what? Barca are up for it ONLY if Aaron Ramsey is part of the package. I shit you not, this is real.

It is all going on at Chelsea, especially as they missed out on Gonzalo Higuain who is off to AC Milan. Naturally, next on this list at Stamford Bridge is Bayern Munich’s Robert Lewandowski. It is as if someone in the office is playing Football Manager.

Oh, and they’d love Matias Vecino from Inter to top it all off please and thank you.

How can they afford these items in the new Chelsea Austerity Era?

By flogging Olivier Giroud to Marseille, despite him being Chelsea’s best striker next season. And charging West Ham a lot of money to loan Danny Drinkwater for a year.

Jose Mourinho has been talking a lot about transfers recently, and he will be delighted to hear there IS potential movement at Old Trafford. Oh yes. Marcos Rojo is off to Everton for £30m – Everton continuing their kid-in-a-sweety-shop transfer policy – and Anthony Martial’s latest destination is Paris Saint-Germain.

Mourinho is still waiting to hear whether Willian is prepared to go on strike and whether Harry Maguire has found a way out of Leicester yet. Neither are looking particularly likely today.

Other than that, it is small fry. I mean, nobody really believes Barcelona want Simon Mignolet from Liverpool, do they?

I mentioned the Poch at the start. He isn’t happy with the window shutting early as nobody seems to have told Daniel Levy. Spurs have signed precisely nobody so far after promising the Poch transfers galore and big ones too. Just to keep him a little happier though, someone put Geoffrey Kondogbia, £70m, Tottenham and Valencia into a search engine and it has become a rumour. Poor Poch. You think Jose has it bad.