Mock the Moment

Well, we all knew it was coming didn’t we? No, not the non-inclusion of Jonjo bloody Shelvey who seems to have elevated himself to Gazza-type levels in the eyes of far too many since Christmas. I’m talking about the double sackings of Sam Allardyce and David Moyes. There’s been no hanging about there!

Of course, David Moyes will play the “I walked” card but if West Ham were that keen to keep him they probably would have done. I saw something lovely on Twitter earlier reminding me of Moyseh’s 6-year contract at Manchester United. Well, it still has one year to run and since then he has been sacked by United, Real Sociedad, Sunderland and now West Ham.

Gold and Sullivan want to appoint a “higher-calibre” manager for next season, a statement that came with a lovely twisting of the knife. Moyes is now free to go and find that top-8 club he is so desperate to manage again. Well, the Everton gig is now there for the taking after all.

The “higher-calibre” manager the West Ham board have in mind is former title-winner Manuel Pellegrini who will no doubt be delighted to see Pablo Zabaleta still kicking a ball around, wonder why Joe Hart has left the building and will probably see what Yaya Toure’s plans are next season. Paulo Fonseca ‘ruled himself’ out of the running after a chat with David Sullivan which is, frankly, what any sane head coach would do. West Ham’s long-held affection for Rafa Benitez is likely to last another managerial tenure as they don’t appear to be able to prize him away from his abusive relationship with Mike Ashley.

Over at Goodison Park, Everton acted with a surprising and rare amount of efficiency. There was no stringing it out this time, Allarfarce was shown the door for the final time. Big Sham will have picked up 9m big ones by the end of all this, not bad for 6 months of rinse and repeat. Watching England in Russia having been sacked once more will drum home what a mess he made of the job he really, really wanted. Mind you, he wouldn’t have picked Shelvey either or, by the looks of it, Wayne Rooney. With that in mind, I am starting to like Sam a little bit again.

It must be pretty safe to assume that Marco Silva will be brought in now. The guy is unemployed and has probably been waiting by the phone for Everton to call ever since Watford cut him. But, if he doesn’t turn up what next for Everton? They also got shot of Steve Walsh who managed, in two transfer windows, to ruin the good name he had built up from his time at Leicester City. He is being replaced by PSV’s Director of Football, the wonderfully named Marcel Brands. Will it make any difference? Probably not. Everton have been acting like a family that unexpectedly won the lottery and had more money than they know what to do with for far too long. In fact, Robbie Savage’s quote (the best thing ever to come out of his mouth), “yes I do have more money than sense” sums up the last two seasons at the famous old club. Marco Silva might solve some of the problems, but not all.

Mauricio Pochettino is playing the game very nicely indeed – the game, of course, being using the alleged interest of another club to strike a better deal at your current club. Those pesky Chelsea rumours just refuse to go away for some reason meaning the Poch had no other option but to remind the world “is happy where he is today” but also reminding the very same world that “we need to be brave in the transfer market” if he is to remain committed to the “project”. Make of that what you will, Mr Levy.

Manchester United are hoping to make the most of the need to be “brave” in the Tottenham boardroom by turning up with a barrowload of cash in return for Toby Alderweireld and Danny Rose. If they cannot get Rose then Jose has instructed Mr Ed to ignore Celtic’s Kieran Tierney’s pleas of “I just want to win more titles with Brendan Rodgers” and sign the Scottish left-back. And if they can’t get him, then Nottingham Forest’s 16-year-old Matthew Bondswell will have to do. Actually, on reflection, there is no way on Earth that Jose has got anything to do with that last deal.

Other good news for Jose is Peppy G’s claim that Manchester City will not be going big this summer because, apparently, they “don’t have £300m to spend every year” which, as we all know, is a big fat lie. In what would be a surprise release, Ilkay Gundogan might be off to Inter. Admittedly, he is no Jonjo Shelvey.

One can only presume that Arsenal asked Mikel Arteta “and what player can we buy you as a welcome gift, just like we did with Arsene and Patrick Vieira?” Arteta must have responded, “I’ll have Jean-Michel Serri of Nice please” because Arsenal have bid £40m for the defensive midfielder. Ah, I love it when history starts to repeat itself.

And so to the England squad, announced yesterday. What? He didn’t pick Jonjo Shelvey? The game’s gone, mate. I did like Jack Wilshere’s Instagram post after the news broke – Joe Hart pointing at Jack, clearly making a forcible point with the meme “we are good players Jack, don’t listen to them”. Very good indeed, Jack. In fact, probably the best football related thing you have done this season which might explain why you were not selected. People are still getting their knickers in a twist over Danny Welbeck’s inclusion, citing that Andy Carroll, Peter Crouch, Ashley Barnes (that one is my shout), Daniel Sturridge or even Charlie Austin would be better options. I think the only response to that is; always injured, old, probably not good enough really, injured and seriously? Welbeck might not be massively popular but he does offer “tactical flexibility” and England do need some “tactical flexibility”. We shall see, shan’t we?