LASESARRE, SPAIN - AUGUST 5: Puma Orbita, the official match ball of LaLiga in detail prior the pre-season friendly match between Athletic Club and Real Sociedad on August 5, 2022 at Lasesarre Stadium in Barakaldo, Spain. Noxthirdxpartyxsales PUBLICATIONxNOTxINxJPN 195228971

The first week of the Premier League is done and dusted, and there is plenty of talking points.

Arsenal’s first game without Arsene Wenger at the helm coincided with an opening day 2-0 defeat to defending champions Manchester City, which has been received as akin to the end of the world by the celebrities from Arsenal Fan TV.

Unai Emery is now the man responsible for restoring the Gunners back as genuine title contenders, and he’s already (possibly) committed tactical suicide by ordering his side to play out from the back with Petr Cech and the static Granit Xhaka in the same team. At one instance, Arsenal’s keeper was inches away from kicking the ball into his own net.

Such was his shaky distribution throughout, he was mocked by Bayer Leverkusen’s English language twitter account, one of those clubs who monetise their large twitter followings. A couple days later, Petr Cech called them out for their inappropriate behaviour.

I seriously doubt a harmless tweet is as bad as your own supporters ironically cheering any time Cech avoided unprovoked errors. But I suppose a tweet like that, directed at any professional, isn’t likely to go down well.

Spurs have confirmed that they have had to move their league fixtures against Newcastle and Cardiff to Wembley Stadium, due to another delay in finishing their new home.

Picture this. The year is 2038. Spurs are still playing their home games at Wembley, as they have still failed to complete their ‘new’ stadium. There is a full round of Premier League fixtures to be played that weekend, with Burnley facing Everton in China. And Liverpool have not been able to win the Premier league.

Saariball is well underway, with Chelsea players slowly getting to grips with the transition from their ‘conservative’ style of football under Antonio Conte, to a huge reliance on possession based, attacking football under the new man.

They came through their first test at Huddersfield with flying colours, comfortably winning 3-0. New signing Jorginho helped himself to a goal himself, with his trademark ‘hop, skip and score’ penalty.

Everton’s director of football Marcel Brands admitted this week that they payed over the odds for £50m new signing Richarlison. After scoring two goals on his debut at Wolves, his true transfer value of around £10m will have quadrupled. Thus, ensuring Richarlison was worth every penny. I bet Richarlidad and Richarlimom must have been very proud.

Forced to play 50 minutes with 10 men after Phil Jagielka was harshly sent off, the Premier League’s newly promoted side quickly capitalised on their advantage. Talisman Ruben Neves scored a beautiful free kick just before half time, before loanee Raul Jimenez equalised late on.

All the talk prior to Liverpool’s home game against Manuel Pellegrini’s West Ham was how Jurgen Klopp would fit all of his new signings into the same side. I’ve dismissed any possibility of Mohamed Salah repeating last season’s exploits. It only took 19 minutes for him to bag his first goal of the season (Facepalms), in a match where Sadio Mane scored twice and forgotten man Daniel Sturridge also bagged a goal.

Man of the match was James Milner, who was clearly the metronome to their success. Instead of drinking alcohol to celebrate a job well done, Milner prefers a bottle of Ribena.

Be like James Milner, kids.

Marmite man Neil Warnock’s managerial return to the top flight ended in a 2-0 defeat at Bournemouth. Cardiff were endlessly tormented by Ryan Fraser, who deserved his goal.

It could have been worse. They could have spent £100m like fellow promoted side Fulham and lost 2-0 at home to Crystal Palace.

Newcastle opened their season with a 2-1 defeat by Spurs, courtesy of goals from Jan Vertonghen and Dele Alli. World Cup winner Hugo Lloris was in fine form and was probably expecting an easier afternoon. However, the Toon gave Spurs a torrid afternoon, and deserved to pick up a point.

Scoring goals was not the only reason Dele Alli was in the spotlight this week. He has succesfully driven the nation crazy with a new craze. Of course, I am talking about his goal celebration. I’ve tried to recreate it myself, through watching several tutorials. And not once have I even came close.

And finally, Manchester United kindly kicked off the new Premier League season with a 2-1 win over Leicester City at Old Trafford. The man in the news Paul Pogba, scored a penalty before Luke Shaw scored his first professional goal.

Have a great weekend.