92nd Minute News

The first weekend of the Premier League has officially finished, and observers have gotten their first look at the top 20 teams in English football. Fans had only finished watching Arsenal vs Manchester City a few hours earlier while a focused Wayne Rooney laced up his boots for a game against Orlando City. His DC United sat at bottom of the table, with five games in hand (that’s not a joke) in desperate need of a win.

Everyone has seen it by now. In the 96th-minute, England and Manchester United legend made one of the best plays of his career. The game was tied 2-2 in the dying embers of the game when goalkeeper David Ousted marched forward in search of redemption for the own-goal he scored earlier.

Unfortunately for Ousted, the ball was cleared, and Orlando’s Will Johnson was sent on a breakaway. With nothing but an empty net in front of him, the Canadian defender was set to win the game for Orlando deep into stoppage time. Then this happened.

The stadium erupted after Luciano Acosta netted his third goal of the match. The team celebrated with the Argentine, but Rooney deserved the praise.

As the referee blew the final whistle, Wayne looked over to his wife Colleen who sat in the stands, shaking his head. His team had just won, but the look of disappointment on his face was nearly audible.

After the game, a representative from Ronnie Dog Media followed the ex-England captain as he met up with his wife. This is what he observed.

Wayne and Colleen’s conversation

Colleen put her arm around a disgruntled Wayne Rooney, “Awe, honey, you was great out there. Proper proud like, babes.”

Wayne let out a short inaudible grumble as he brushed aside his wife’s loving remarks. Taken aback, Colleen questioned her husband’s bad mood. Could it have something to do with the game, or did someone steal the crisps that she packed for him out of his bag?

She couldn’t deal with his moping the whole way home. She had to find out what was wrong.

“What’s the matter, Wayne? Why are you so depressed? You look down in the banks, like?” she asks.

Wayne looked puzzled at his wife’s question. We’re not sure if it was because she used a big word like ‘depressed’ or if he wasn’t sure how to answer. After a few seconds, he piped up, “Erm, were you watching, like? They was rubbish out there.”

“Yeah, but you won like, didn’t you babes?” responded Colleen.

That didn’t sit well with Wayne. Suddenly his repressed frustration burst out, “But what’s the point, like? There’s no relegation anyway? What’s that goalie doing running up for a corner? What a muppet, like. Don’t they know how risky it is, like? Who does he think he is? Peter Schmeichel? I can’t stand it, like. The gaffer is clueless, and I’ve got to work like Ji Sung Park out there just for us to have a chance.”

The couple got in the car and drove home. Luckily, our Ronnie Dog reporter was able to sneak into the back of the Rooney’s car and listen in on the rest of the conversation.

The car ride

Colleen was silent for the first half of the drive. She didn’t know how to cheer her husband up. He was used to playing with footballers, not whatever these blokes called themselves. Soccerers? After a few minutes of quiet, she tries to find the silver lining, “Erm, but with three points you can still make playoffs, like, can’t you?”

The Englishman sighed, looked back at his wife and said, “Colleen, I’ve never been good at maths like, but I don’t need to be to know we have no chance of making play-offs, like.”

Colleen knew her husband was right. Mathematically, there was still a chance, but realistically, none. It had all worked out for David and Victoria back in 2007. Maybe this wasn’t the right move for Wayne. Especially if he wanted to win more trophies. He could always retire as a pub manager like Peter Crouch suggested a few months ago.

“Do you want to stop by the chippy on the way home then babes?” asks Colleen in an attempt to lighten her husband’s mood.

Wayne didn’t answer right away, but after pausing, he looked up with a small smile and said, “I’d love that, like.”