funny football news premier league terrible tips mike ashley dinner

With Halloween over and a weekend of Premier League action ahead of us, I can safely say that the only scary thing I’ve witnessed in the last few days was Manchester United scoring from open play and winning. Here are my best, but mostly worst, tips for the weekend ahead.

Bournemouth vs Manchester United

Manchester United have actually been winning some games recently and dare I say it, playing well. That sets up an exciting mid-table clash with Eddie Howe’s Bournemouth who sit two places behind United, although with the same amount of points. This next run of fixtures represents an opportunity for United to push on now, but I think they will come crashing back down to earth at Bournemouth.

Bournemouth 3-1 Manchester United

Arsenal vs Wolves

Arsenal are reportedly going to be without beloved captain Granit Xhaka for this home clash against Wolves, which can only be a good thing for those poor poor Arsenal fans. They endured a penalty loss on Wednesday at Anfield in which Mesut Ozil was, for me, the best player on the pitch. Unfortunately, we’re unlikely to see Ozil for another couple of months now, which makes me think that Wolves will win this one.

Arsenal 0-2 Wolves

Aston Villa vs Liverpool

Villa looked decent in the first half against City last week but capitulated in the second half. I don’t think this will be an easy game for the wannabee champions, but they should be well-rested following Wednesday when they played a weakened team, whereas Villa went full strength against Wolves. If the home side gets the first goal, this could be interesting, but they probably won’t.

Aston Villa 0-3 Liverpool

Brighton vs Norwich

One for the neutrals here as Graham Potter’s men take on the side currently bottom of the table. The magic of Teemu Pukki seems to have worn off now for the newly-promoted side and they’re really struggling to keep teams out, even losing to Manchester United last week. Brighton are strong at home and will have too much for this out-of-sorts Norwich defence.

Brighton 4-1 Norwich

Manchester City vs Southampton

You’ve got to feel for Southampton, who after losing 9-0 last Friday, have had to endure two successive trips to the Etihad. The midweek cup visit wasn’t too successful but was certainly a step up from 9-0. The Saints will definitely have got to grips with Pep’s side by now, so I think they’ll go one step further on their second visit.

Manchester City 3-4 Southampton

Sheffield United vs Burnley

I don’t like to get political, but this could be the most Brexit Premier League match in the history of football. Both sides have had strong starts and remain solid defensively. United are strong at Brammall Lane whereas Burnley’s away form has drastically improved in recent times. A closely fought game with no goals and a few pints of Carling shared between Chris Wilder and Sean Dyche after the game.

Sheffield United 0-0 Burnley

West Ham vs Newcastle

Honestly, when will clubs learn that tweeting that their manager is ‘at the wheel’ is never a good thing. West Ham were 4th when they tweeted it around a month ago and they haven’t won since, now sitting 10th in the league. This represents an excellent chance to end that run against Steve Bruce’s side, but I think it’ll be the Magpies who nick all three points.

West Ham 2-3 Newcastle

Watford vs Chelsea

We’re now in November and Watford still haven’t won a Premier League game. Chelsea meanwhile have had an excellent start and their young stars are really showing their worth in the Premier League. I can’t be too sarcastic about this game because frankly I can’t see Watford winning a game in any situation at the moment, let alone against this in-form Chelsea side.

Watford 0-4 Chelsea

Crystal Palace vs Leicester

Palace are poor at home and Leicester, as evidenced by last week, are ok away from home. Brendan Rodger’s side deservedly sit 3rd in the league and have been in superb form recently. Palace have also started well, claiming a draw at fellow Europa League hopefuls Arsenal last weekend, so this could be a tricky game for the Foxes. Should be plenty of goals in this one.

Crystal Palace 2-4 Leicester

Everton vs Spurs

The final game of the weekend sees Spurs back in Merseyside for another week, this time travelling to Goodison Park. Everton have slightly improved in recent times and remain fairly strong at home, whereas Spurs haven’t won away since January. So naturally, we’re going for a comfortable Spurs win in this one.

Everton 0-3 Spurs