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Terrible Tips: Two defensive minds work out how not to lose at Wembley

And so, we edge towards the final game in the English domestic calendar for the season we shall no doubt refer to as the 2017/18 season.

Chelsea play Manchester United at Wembley tomorrow afternoon, both clubs clinging desperately to the potential trophy so that they can walk away from the season with some kind of title.

It’s not been the greatest season for either club, all things told, no matter how much Jose Mourinho tries to suggest that United have moved forwards, pointing to their points tally. Jose was supposed to win the Premier League in his second season, wasn’t he? I mean, Jose always wins the title in his second season. The problem is, last time Jose Mourinho pipped Peppy G to a league title, he could call on Sergio Ramos in central defence and not Chris Smalling. Marcelo was his left-back, not Ashley Young. He had this lad called Ronaldo to rely on, not some kid called Anthony Martial. Life was a bit easier for Jose back then.

Down in London, Antonio Conte has followed the recent Chelsea blueprint to the letter. Win a title, watch it all fall apart next season and miss out on Champions League football. The only problem here is that Conte went rogue and put them in the Europa League. Antonio doesn’t care though, he’s off before the final whistle has been blown at Wembley. He has blamed the board for not bringing in the right players, for letting Emenalo go. Mind you, considering he won the title last season and was gifted Danny Drinkwater, Ross Barkley and Willy Caballero he might have a point. Conte has wanted to leave since he joined and his wish will soon be granted.

So what can we expect at Wembley?

Jose is going to upset at least one of Marcus Rashford and Anthony Martial, for sure. Probably both if Romelu Lukaku is declared fit. And I would absolutely love him to leave Paul Pogba on the bench just for the ripple effect on social media.

Antonio Conte’s biggest call is likely to be around whether he plays Alvaro Morata, who has had a torrid time recently and has been even worse in the matches he has played at Wembley, or the beautiful man that is Olivier Giroud – the man who got them to Wembley in the first place.

Luckily, we don’t have two managers leading the teams who tend to put ‘not losing’ above ‘winning’ on the strategy board so we are almost guaranteed a 3-3 thriller and someone on win on penalties.

Chelsea 0 – 0 Manchester United (United on penalties)