Terrible Tips

You all enjoyed the Terrible Tips so much last week that I am back with some more guaranteed ways for you to lose some money on the Premier League. I mean, who will be able to predict the starting XIs of Chelsea and Liverpool, right?

Brighton & Hove Albion vs Manchester United

Poor old United. Whilst Liverpool got to play in a Champions League Semi-Final on Wednesday night and even Arsenal had a nice trip to Madrid yesterday, all they had to look forward to was a trip down to the seaside to play Brighton. Jose might be doing the honourable thing by allowing Phil Jones and Chris Smalling to play themselves out Southgate’s World Cup plans but there really isn’t a great deal for United to be playing for ahead of the FA Cup Final. Brighton are probably safe and United will just be hoping for no new injuries. Shall we call it a draw?

Brighton & Hove Albion 0 – 0 Manchester United

Stoke City vs Crystal Palace

Shaqiri has already called this game a ‘war that we must win’. That’s actual fighting talk from the Stoke City camp. Palace have done enough but I’d imagine Uncle Roy would like to make double sure by not starting an end-of-season losing run that could make it look tighter than it needs to be. Stoke have to win which means Paul Lambert might even consider attacking for more than 20 minutes. Therefore, there should be plenty of space for Wilf Zaha to run around in and he likes that.

Stoke City 0 – 2 Crystal Palace

AFC Bournemouth vs Swansea City

You just never know, do you? Bournemouth are so hot and cold they could be this last winter in Granada. As for Swansea City, people are just starting to realise that some witty soundbites from the manager are not always enough to keep you up. Bournemouth will win this if they can be bothered. Swansea City will be hoping that they are not.

AFC Bournemouth 2 – 2 Swansea City

Leicester City vs West Ham United

“Honest guys, we have no issue with the gaffer,” said the Leicester City squad in unison before losing 5-0 to Crystal Palace. “We mean it, he is great,” they’ve probably continued to say this week. Well, you Foxes, if you lose to West Ham as well then I think you are definitely telling fibs. West Ham could well be in trouble, especially if they lose to this lot as well. They couldn’t, could they?

Leicester City 2 – 1 West Ham United

Watford vs Newcastle United

I think we all probably care as much about this game as the players themselves. Newcastle are safe and the squad have probably sussed that they will still be there next season as Rafa won’t have any money to replace them with. Jonjo Shelvey is still dreaming of Russia, mainly because he will blend in with the ultras out there, so might try his best but he will be up against a Watford team that have started drawing out next season’s destination out of a hat in the changing room.

Watford 0 – 0 Newcastle United

West Bromwich Albion vs Tottenham Hotspur

I tell you what, Darren. Go and add the Poch to your list, eh? And then quit, quit in a blaze of glory. However much I’d love to see Darren Moore continue this little run, I can’t see it happening against Spurs. All good things come to an end and Moore has already done more than Pardew managed in all that time, but he will be beaten tomorrow.

West Bromwich Albion 1 – 3 Tottenham Hotspur

Everton vs Southampton

Is anyone else planning on watching the Women’s FA Cup Final instead of this? I definitely am. I cannot think of anything worse than this match as the Saturday evening kick-off.

Everton 2 – 1 Southampton

Manchester City vs Huddersfield Town

Do we have enough hands to count how many City could score in this one, if they want to? Huddersfield are certainly not out of the woods yet whereas the Champions will be prancing around the Etihad with glorious free abandon as they have been told to “go and out and enjoy it” in the last few games. This could get messy for Wagner.

Manchester City 6 – 0 Huddersfield Town

Arsenal vs Burnley

Oh, Arsene – take the bull by the horns and quit dramatically moments before kick-off. Go on, I dare you. There’s nothing left for you here now and imagine the pain it will cause when Sean Dyche wins this match and finishes 6th? Take control of your destiny, your legacy and stop the referee blowing the whistle at the start of the game, take off your coat with that pesky zip and reveal a t-shirt saying #wengerisout

Arsenal 1 – 2 Burnley

Chelsea vs Liverpool

You see, this is a game that should (in theory) be the match of the weekend but both teams have their minds on the respective cup finals that they now have coming up. Chelsea’s hopes of Champions League qualification will still not come through and I don’t think Jurgen cares less about finishing 2nd now that Liverpool are off to Kyiv. Does that mean we might see some of Chelsea’s FA Youth Cup side get a chance? I know, I couldn’t keep a straight face whilst typing that either!

Chelsea 1 – 2 Liverpool