Another week and more Terrible Tips for you to go and waste some money on. Actually, don’t. It is utterly futile and will make neither of us feel good about each other. Why not just read this column, give it a moment’s thought and then move on to some work or something? Definitely do not place any bets on this load of rubbish.
Anyway, with that warning legally complied with it’s on with the show!
Cardiff City vs Newcastle United
Oh, stop it Sky. You are too good to us. What better way to start your Premier League weekend than watch a team managed by Neil Warnock fight a team managed by Rafa Benitez away from home? This is going to be a football classic (if football has upped sticks, left home and been replaced by a nuclear horror black hole type thing). Cardiff were beaten easily by an average Bournemouth side last week whilst Newcastle managed to extend Harry Kane’s lack of August goal run yet completely forgot to mark Dele Alli and the back stick. I cannot see this being much fun at all so I am going to call it a draw, and a 0-0 draw at that.
Cardiff City 0 – 0 Newcastle United
Everton vs Southampton
Another middle-of-the-road fixture on the Saturday. Everton, full of money and hope face Southampton, full of Mark Hughes. And trust me, neither is a good place to be. Everton have admitted this week that they did pay a bit too much for Richarlison but if the Brazilian keeps netting two a game, which he won’t of course, then it could be money well spent. With Jagielka suspended, Michael Keane a completely different player to the one Everton thought they signed last year and Leighton Baines just having too many miles on the clock it might be wise to give Kurt Zouma, Yerry Mina and Lucas Digne their home debuts together. As for Southampton, it’s going to be a long season.
Everton 1 – 1 Southampton
Leicester City vs Wolverhampton Wanderers
Two teams that had very clever transfer windows. Leicester did well making some smart signings with the Riyad Mahrez money and Wolves did everything Jorge Mendes told them to do and now have more Portuguese players in their squad than Porto do. Madness. Either way, this Midlands affair could be one to watch and have goals in it.
Leicester City 2 – 2 Wolverhampton Wanderers
Tottenham Hotspur vs Fulham
Ah, Tottenham at Wembley playing at the ground their opposition owner wants to buy (or has he bought it already? I don’t know). There’s nothing like a guest outstaying their welcome and Tottenham are certainly doing that. It doesn’t matter that they pay their rent on time and clean up after themselves, Wembley is looking forward to having the place to themselves again so they can walk around naked watching Suits, or something equally odd. Anyway, Fulham signed a whole team more than Tottenham did in the window and still need time to gel, so I reckon this might THE game where Harry scores in August.
Tottenham Hotspur 3 – 1 Fulham
West Ham United vs AFC Bournemouth
I tell you what, if you are needing a win quite urgently to boost team morale you want to see Bournemouth next on the fixture list. Much has already been made of how easily West Ham stepped aside for Liverpool last weekend, despite the fact that Liverpool are very decent and West Ham still are not. Manuel Pellegrini will need wins in matches like this to extend the honeymoon period for as long as possible because the Hammers fans won’t take long to start the moans if Bournemouth beat them at the Athletics Stadium. Don’t fall for the ‘little old Bournemouth’ stuff anymore either. If they can spend £25m on an average midfielder then they are a Premier League team like everyone else now.
West Ham 1- 3 Bournemouth
Chelsea vs Arsenal
Boom, get the big guns out. You have to feel for Unai Emery a little – first City and now Chelsea. Whereas Maurizio Sarri must be loving his first two fixtures. First Huddersfield and now Arsenal! Emery’s style will take time to take root at Arsenal but hey, the fans don’t want to know that. They want instant success! Equally, Sarri’s style will take time to bed in at Chelsea but fans are used to new managers so will probably give him at least a couple of months. Olivier Giroud to score against his old club? Of course!
Chelsea 2 – 1 Arsenal
Burnley vs Watford
THIS is why Burnley wanted to get into Europe, so they could push these glamour ties into a Sunday session. Burnley aren’t exactly free-flowing yet this season whereas Watford were really quite good last weekend. My money is on a total lack of entertainment though.
Burnley 0 – 0 Watford
Manchester City vs Huddersfield Town
David Wagner better be working on a plan to have 16 players defending because that is the only way Huddersfield have hope here against the Champions. This could get messy and lay down a nice early marker to everyone when City end the first two weekends with six points and a goal difference of about plus eight.
Manchester City 5 – 0 Huddersfield Town
Brighton & Hove Albion vs Manchester United
You see, if this was at Old Trafford I’d give Brighton a chance of getting something. Yet, away I can see United winning this 2-0, Paul Pogba being fleetingly wonderful and Alexis Sanchez finally doing something. I like Chris Hughton but I cannot help but feel that signing four or five creative players in the summer only leads to relegation in the spring.
Brighton & Hove Albion 0 – 2 Manchester United
Crystal Palace vs Liverpool
All common sense suggests Liverpool to win this one with ease but Selhurst Park hasn’t always been their friend. That said, Liverpool will win this one with ease meaning that the clamour around them being the only challengers to City this season will get out of control. And that’s not like Liverpool fans, is it?
Palace 1- 4 Liverpool