92nd Minute News

The Premier League encourages children to disown their Chelsea and Manchester City supporting friends

This week the Premier League announced its plan to help kids reduce plastics. Partnering with Sky, the organizations plan to educate children about the benefits of plastic reduction. With 15,000 English and Welsh primary schools at its reach through the Premier League Primary Stars programme, the goal will be to encourage British youth to live more sustainable lifestyles.

Tottenham stars Harry Kane and Christian Eriksen took on Mauricio Pochettino and Jesus Perez in a plastic bottle shout-out during training to raise awareness on the issue. Each contestant had five shots from the penalty spot to knock over plastic water bottles and earn points. Pochettino won his team the game knocking by over two water bottles, however, we hear Harry Kane as put in an appeal and claims it was actually him who got the last touch.

An in-class session earlier in the week saw Isaac Nartey from Sky’s Ocean Rescue team, Premier League Primary Stars coach Jake Norman and Tottenham Hotspur club ambassador Gary Mabbutt visit Weston Park Primary School. While the exact content of the session is not yet available, a member of our team managed to find a leaked list of teaching points provided to Isaac, Jake and Gary.

Classroom Teaching Points Premier League Primary Starts at Weston Park Primary School  1. Imagine a world where the atmosphere is as bad as the Etihad  Talk to the children about the effects plastic has on the environment, specifically the atmosphere in the air. If we continue using plastics at the rate we do, the atmosphere will be as bad as it is during a Manchester City home game.  2. Live a plastic-free life by getting rid of your Chelsea and Manchester City supporting friends  Single-use plastics such as straws, water bottle and food packaging are bad, but plastic fans are the biggest threat to our environment. Encourage the children to disown anyone who has started supporting Chelsea after 2003 and Manchester City after 2008. They will claim they’ve always supported the club, but their lying.   3. Plastic isn’t a renewable resource, just like Arsene Wenger  Explain to the children that Arsenal has taken proactive steps to comply with the Premier League’s new initiative. After realizing that Wenger wasn’t the renewable resource everyone thought he would be, the London club decided it was time to think more sustainably.  4. Manchester United are commuting to training as a team to reduce emissions   Tell the children there other ways to have a positive impact on the environment. Show them how Manchester United’s team are using the same bus Jose Mourinho parks to travel to training together.  5. The FA are getting rid of the Community Shield  If there is enough time at the end of the session, tell the children about the FA’s plans to ditch the Community Shield. A waste of time is still a waste, so the league association has decided to spare everyone and kibosh the whole ordeal. Everyone knows the Community Shield is a joke trophy anyway, just don’t tell Mourinho that. Instead of playing in the game, the league and FA Cup winners will spend 90-minutes picking up garbage from the side of the street.

We’d like to think this initiative will provide Britain’s future with the inspiration to go out and make the world a better place, but we fear the worst.