SOCCER - A.Klagenfurt vs Southampton, test match KLAGENFURT,AUSTRIA,18.JUL.22 - SOCCER - ADMIRAL Bundesliga, Premier League, SK Austria Klagenfurt vs FC Southampton, test match. Image shows a ball. PUBLICATIONxNOTxINxAUTxSUIxSWE GEPAxpictures/xFlorianxMori

Imagine a world without football? I know, it’s scary. But what’s even scarier is that the Premier League stars we know and love would all be searching for jobs like you and me. No scouts, youth academies or agents, just a good ole’ CV. In this column, we provide insight into what those job applications would actually look like. This is ‘Premier League CVs’.

Ole Gunnar Solskjaer

I’m a sprightly lad from Norway, although I’ve always felt more at home in the north of England. I moved to Manchester to begin my career in the automobile industry and have not looked back since. I have a burning passion for driving and am hoping to become the best in the world.


Leigh Driving School

I learned how to drive in Manchester after growing up in the city. I had the fortune of learning from a Scottish Formula 1 driver Alexander Ferguson. He was the best driver in the country at that point and someone I’d idolised from an early age. He was a quirky fellow, using a hairdryer in his vehicle instead of a conventional air conditioning system.

Work experience:

Aker Hotel, Molde

  • I put my new learned driving skills to test driving many luxury cars for VIP guests
  • My biggest achievement was driving guests’ cars to the top of the carpark without any scratches or bumps

Blue Bird Taxis, Cardiff

  • I drove a bunch of incompetent fools around the country for a few months

Stunt Driver
Aker Film Studio, Molde

  • After Aker acquired a film studio I worked as a stunt driver in many action scenes
  • I excited moviegoers despite being involved in a few crashes and spinouts

Formula 1 Driver
Devil’s Speed Co., Manchester
(2018 – Present)

  • I steered the wheel for the famous Devil’s Speed Co. racing company
  • One of my biggest challenges was helping the company recapture its long lost winning mentality
  • My most successful moment was winning the Grande Prix de Paris against all odds

Notable skills:

  • Strong finish on the final lap
  • Tenacious
  • Tactical


Cover letter:

To whom it may concern,

It all started in 1990 when I rode a go-kart for the first time in Norway. The feeling of flying around the track was incredible. Ever since that moment I was obsessed with driving. I would watch the best drivers in the world from a small television in our kitchen. Then, 18 years later, I had the pleasure of learning from the best driver in history, Alexander Ferguson. I thought I understood driving before, but he enlightened me to a whole new level.

I spent three years studying with the great man before moving back to Norway where a hotel hired me as their valet. It was my first real job driving a car, and I loved it.

But as much as I loved Norway, I missed Britain and moved to Cardiff in 2014. I figured I needed a job so I interviewed with a local taxi company. Luckily they had just fired a cabby for engaging in racist conversation during trips a week earlier.

Sadly my time with the Blue Bird Taxi company involved driving around a bunch of incompetent morons. Honestly, the people I had to put up with on a daily basis made me wish I was back in Norway. So much so that less than a year later I moved back.

The company who owned the Aker Hotel purchased a film studio and were looking for a stunt driver. I asked them if they would consider me for the job and they welcomed me back with open arms. The job was a lot of fun, but much more difficult than working as a valet.

Then, after three years working with Aker Film Studios, the unthinkable happened. Devil’s Speed Co., a Manchester-based racing company, invited me to keep their car warm while they looked for a new driver. Given that Alexander Ferguson was an ex-driver of theirs I jumped at the chance. I figured it would only be a temporary thing, as an Argentine fellow was touted for the full-time gig.

At first, I was only meant to come in and compete in a few races. In the end, I won virtually everything, even the Grand Prix de Paris which everyone said I had no chance in. Anyway, they signed me as their permanent driver and I can’t believe my luck. Now that I’m at the wheel for good I’m revved up and ready to go.

To be honest, I’m not actually looking for a new job, but I hoped my resume would catch your attention. My team and I are hoping to win it all next year in the European racing circuit and need to compete in some warm-up events during the summer. If you’re willing to host us, please reach out to to make arrangements.

Ole Gunnar Solskjaer