LASESARRE, SPAIN - AUGUST 5: Puma Orbita, the official match ball of LaLiga in detail prior the pre-season friendly match between Athletic Club and Real Sociedad on August 5, 2022 at Lasesarre Stadium in Barakaldo, Spain. Noxthirdxpartyxsales PUBLICATIONxNOTxINxJPN 195228971

Imagine a world without football? I know, it’s scary. But what’s even scarier is that the Premier League stars we know and love would all be searching for jobs like you and me. No scouts, youth academies or agents, just a good ole’ CV. In this column, we provide insight into what those job applications would actually look like. This is ‘Premier League CVs’.

Jurgen Klopp

In this moment, I am the best, for sure. For this year I’ve been number one. Throughout my career I’ve always been at the top and in this moment I’m as successful as I have ever been.


Law School
1987 – 2001

It took a long time, for sure, but I did it. I completed law school with a bang. When I finished I was ready to enter the big wide world of law and really go heavy metal. During my studies a focused my attention on a career in criminal law, helping the accused get acquitted of guilt through my ability to point blame at others.

Work Experience:

05 Law, Mainz
(2001 – 2008)

  • Took the first step in my legal career by working as a paralegal at my last professor’s law firm.
  • Assisted in many domestic cases, as well as helping the firm in some high profile European class action lawsuits.

Junior Partner
BVB Legal Services, Dortmund
 – 2015)

  • Joined one of Germany’s top law firms as Junior Partner.
  • Won two high profile class action lawsuits as well as acting as council on some other high profile cases.

Senior Partner
Fenway & Werner Law, Liverpool
(2015 – Present)

  • Joined the firm as a Senior Partner after impressing at BVB Legal Services.
  • Helped strengthen the law firm by bringing in some high profile employees.

Notable Skills:

  • Ability to intimidate
  • Great hugger
  • Creative excuses


Cover Letter:

To whom it may concern,

I started law school in 1987, learning everything I could about criminal law from some of Germany’s top legal experts. I was young, for sure, but there was a great fire burning inside of me. In 2001 I graduated and then BANG, it was time to play.

In this moment I was great friends with a professor of mine, and he invited me to join his law firm, 05 Law in Mainz. It was a good job, but not heavy metal enough for me. I wanted something crazy, you know?

Then I joined BVB Legal Services and wow, it was big. Huge. Exceptional. The law firm was incredible. I was able to assist with some top top cases, including two case in 2011 and 2012. I was defending a client against some Bavarian prosecutors. Their record was impeccable, for sure, but I toppled them. I almost won a class action lawsuit involving defendants from across Europe, but evidence from those Bavarian prosecutors blew up our case at the last hurdle.

It wasn’t long before I was asked to join Fenway & Werner Law as a Senior Partner. The firm was not doing well, for sure, but it used to be so great. Huge, even. So I joined them and helped bring them back to greatness with the help of a big budget.

The firm is now the greatest in the world, for sure. Of course, we have not won a case yet, but that has no consequence. The courtrooms we have worked in have been a bit drafty, so there was no way of determining if the adjudication process was fair. But my lawyers are happy, and I give them massive hugs, even if we lose. It’s fantastic, but we must focus on winning, for sure.

In this moment life is great but perhaps I need a change of scenery. I miss winning, for sure, and with the current conditions at Fenway & Werner it is not a possibility. If you want me, a heavy metal lawyer, please feel free to contact me at

Jurgen Klopp