92nd Minute News

Last Saturday, Manchester City convincingly beat Fulham 3-0 in their latest Premier League matchup. Goals from Leroy Sane, David Silva and Raheem Sterling secured all three points for Pep Guardiola. His team, despite dropping points at Wolves, are breathing down the neck of joint league leaders Liverpool and Chelsea. Before the match, Manchester City took time to celebrate two lifelong fans of 85 years, Olga and Vera.

Olga (98) and Vera (102), have been ticket holders at Manchester City since 1930, well before the successes of Pep Guardiola, Manuel Pellegrini and Roberto Mancini. But after last year’s dominance in the Premier League, rumour has it that Guardiola is considering giving the ladies a chance to do more than just cheer on the Citizens from the stands.

With the UEFA Champions League kicking off this week, the Catalan coach is thinking of new inventive ways of resting his star players. After all, there isn’t an abundance of Phil Foden’s ready to hop into the first team at a moment’s notice. Despite his insistence on never doing one-on-one interviews, we managed to corner Guardiola to ask him about these rumours. After a little persuasion and a physical encouragement, he agreed.

The interview with Pep Guardiola

Ronnie Dog Media representative: “Pep, congratulations on the win against Fulham. How are you doing?”

Pep: “Good, good. Please, just don’t hurt me. I will tell you whatever you want.”

RDMR: “Ha, we love that Spanish sense of humour! So, tell us about Olga and Vera.”

Pep: “What humour? I am sorry, I don’t understand. Please, just put down the garden clippers. I am scared.”

RDMR: “We won’t ask again, tell us about Olga and Vera.”

Pep: “Well they have been fans of the club sin-“

RDMR: “Enough! We know all that Pep. Tell us about the rumours. What are your plans for Olga and Vera?”

Pep: “Okay, I’ll speak. It was meant to be a secret though.”

RDMR: “Enough with the stalling.”

Pep: “Fine. Champions League football is here. We are all excited. It is the trophy that City fans want and we have never won it before. But the lads can’t keep up with the demands of domestic and continental football.”

RDMR: “What does this have to do with Olga and Vera?”

Pep: “You saw us last year. We won the league by 19 points and finished with 100 points in total. That’s more than any other team in the history of the Premier League. We can afford to rest our players for Europe.”

RDMR: “Again, what does this have to do with them?”

Pep: “Alright, here it is. On Saturday, when we play Cardiff, Olga and Vera are starting up top.”

RDMR: “What do you mean?”

Pep: “It’s Cardiff. We could win that game with two infants on the field. No disrespect to Mr. Warnock, but that team are nothing to be feared. I won’t be playing a strong squad.”

RDMR: “Are you meaning to tell me you will be fielding two women who can barely walk?”

Pep: “Why the hell not?”

On to Manchester City vs Cardiff

Unfortunately, the interview ended abruptly as Kevin De Bruyne burst through the door to assist his manager. After our futile attempts to keep the manager tied down, they escaped. But we got what we wanted. The rumours are true. Pep has plans for those sweet old ladies.

It makes sense really. Manchester City made a mockery of the league last year and could probably brush aside most sides in the bottom half of the table without their star players. Why not pop two pensioners with a fiery passion for the game up top? Especially against Cardiff!

But I wouldn’t jump to add the dynamic do to your Fantasy Team yet, because the secret is out. The element of surprise is gone, and Pep will likely change his plans. I guess you’ll never know if we were telling the truth.