Més Que Un Column

New name, new witty insightful columns showing a great understanding of the beautiful game and the irony that surrounds it.

Just kidding, it’s still very much 6/10 in every way.

Firstly it’s mad. Steven Gerrard, 37 years of age, Liverpool Football Club born and bred, to Rangers. Since 1989 there have only been 2 seasons where he hasn’t been on the books of the Reds. In those 29 years, Liverpool’s best friend in the footballing world has surely been Celtic. The same pre-match anthem, same political leaning amongst supporters, incredible European nights, Dalglish, both Glasgow and Merseyside can’t be arsed with the Queen and if given the chance would quite like to form breakaway nations. Not least because Liverpool might finally win a league that way (would be between them and Tranmere wouldn’t it).

At the time of writing, it’s not a done deal but all reports suggest it’s his for the taking. I’ll be honest, there’s nothing in this deal that looks good for Stevie while it being majestic for a neutral.

Although it would be great just for the needle alone, and trust me Gerrard loves needle, and the chaos it would cause people’s Old Firm preferences. The question of “Whose your Scottish team” might have to be answered with Dunfermline or even Stenhousemuir for a few years. (If you didn’t read those names aloud in your head in an intimidating predatory Scottish accent, please leave immediately)

All the Kopites who “support” Celtic as their second team will well and truly lose their heads, as will the Mancunian Gers.

Tough times, it’s fair to say.

From Gerrard’s point of view, it’s hard to see the benefit. Firstly, the job he’ll be handed. Tasked with winning the league at a club that’s been all over the place financially in recent years, and lacking cohesion on the pitch with little squad quality. No Old Firm win in the last 6 years and only one household name on the books, a 38-year-old Kenny Miller. By the way that’s not one of those jokes where a player is slightly old and I exaggerate it saying a crazily high age for a footballer. He’s literally 38 years old.

Anything other than a real go at Brendan Rodgers’ high-flying Celtic team and a derby win in the next few years would surely test Gers fans’ patience. If things go bad, he has very little, if anything to point to from previous managerial jobs to justify his role. All this on top of the fact that as a Liverpool legend, he won’t be welcomed with open arms by sections of the support. I don’t think I’m being controversial in saying that there’s baptisms with significantly less fire for your first job in football than at Ibrox. If I was a young manager, I certainly wouldn’t want to be learning on the job in Glasgow, and definitely not at Ibrox. Then again the fact that I’m an Irish Catholic probably wouldn’t help. May as well just walk in with a balaclava and tricolour on.

Why risk it, is the big question. Having done brilliantly in his first season with the under 18s on Merseyside (Presume he’s doing well, seems to be winning a lot of matches according to LFC’s twitter account but then again, (it’s not like anyone actually has time to watch the under 18s play so he might be crap), he’s on a perfect trajectory to get a spot on Klopp’s backroom team in a few years time, before maybe even succeeding Jurgen as the next manager 4 or 5 years down the line. With the job at Liverpool surely his ultimate aim, coming back to Anfield with his tail between his legs in 18 months would surely end any chance of him getting the keys to the Melwood head office in the near future.

If he takes it, there’s every chance it goes haywire for the ex-Liverpool and England captain. But just imagine it. A 95th-minute winner at Parkhead to move Rangers 6 points clear of the Bhoys in mid-April 2019. Gerrard goes racing down the touchline in the rain, kneeslides, kisses the camera and gives the big one to the Celtic fans before breaking into loyalist songs and denouncing the IRA in his post-match interview.

And my word, doesn’t he look good in a Rangers suit. Take it, Stevie, for the suit alone.

All the best.