Més Que Un Column

The Transfer Market and a post-Brexit Premier League. What’s the point anymore?

It doesn’t feel fair that this is going to be the last ever Premier League season we see. Just as it was getting good again, eh? It was a memorable and emotional 26 years, most of which were unnecessarily overhyped by Sky, making us believe there was a title challenge on despite a 13 point gap with 4 games left. Overall, however, it was a joy to be a part of. I can’t see any way it continues though, what with there being no food, oil, water or any natural resources left post-Brexit. Fuck it, we might not even make it to the end of the season. Then again, Guardiola’s lads will probably have the league wrapped up before the big day in March, so not to worry.

A lot of teams seem to be taking this into account, in regards to spending. Spurs genuinely look like they’ve forgotten that you’re allowed to buy and sell players during the summer. It’s wild. All in all, Arsenal and Liverpool have been involved in 18 deals between them this summer. Spurs, zero. No loans out, no loans in, no purchases, no sales, no retirements and not even a young academy graduate who you’ve never heard of being released. Even Moussa Sissoko is still kicking around.

What’s worse is yesterday’s news regarding the new stadium.

Fuckin’ hell lads, you’re giving West Ham a run for their money with that one. Imagine naming you’re stadium the London Stadium, it being situated in the Queen Elizabeth II Olympic Park, and it still not being the blandest in your city. The 21st century, in general, don’t know how to do it right, do they? Arsenal sold out to the Arabs on their one, and yet waited the best part of a decade to spend any of that oil money. Same story with Man City (always liked when it was called ‘The City of Manchester Stadium), although it’s had a hand in them winning three leagues as opposed to three F.A. Cups. You had all the messing about with Mike Ashley and Sports Direct up north and now you have Tottenham topping the lot of them and getting zero sponsorship money in return. Not that they’d spend it anyway.

The worst part about it is the fact that there’s no future plan of selling out and slapping the name of a huge multi-million dollar corporation which has no connection to football before the ‘stadium’ part. At least West Ham were on about getting Tesco on board for their nightmare of a ground. Tesco probably pulled out of the deal when that lad ran on and took the corner flag back in March.

Any excuse get it out of the archives again…

If the league does continue amidst the dystopia of a no-deal Brexit, transfer tactics will be changing, and changing fast. Clubs won’t be able to afford having the likes of Luke Shaw on the books while rationing is in place. If you think Riyad Mahrez is overpriced now, wait until you see him in two years time when your body fat percentage and BMI is as important as your clear-cut chance conversion stats.

I can’t let this week pass though without mentioning the Rob Green deal. I’m trying to piece together in my head where he’s been the last few years and how this has happened before checking it on Wikipedia. There was that awful mistake in South Africa in 2010, and I’m fairly sure he was at West Ham United for about three seasons after that. There’s half a decade missing in that storyline, somewhere in League One maybe. Sheffield United for a while?

Miles off. QPR does ring a bell in hindsight but Leeds two years ago went over my head. And Huddersfield last year. Well, I don’t think I ever want to be in a position where I’m so obsessed over the footy that I know who Huddersfield’s second choice keeper is. I’m fully on board with Chelsea’s policy of signing mad lads though, nice to see that the Crouch links in January were neither a Conte thing nor a one-off, but rather part of an all-round ‘post-Abramovich being arsed’ policy.

I managed to avoid hearing who West Ham have signed for a few weeks, and I’ve now fully committed to not knowing until their opener with Jurgen’s reds on the opening day. I’ve seen a picture of Jack Wilshere knocking about in some West Ham gear, but that’s about it. I’ve muted you on Twitter, and all I see is everyone’s saying they’re ‘doin bits’ in the transfer market. I’ll be the judge three minutes before kick-off at Anfield on the 12th of August. Going to be mad when Franck Ribery and Paulo Dybala walk out of that tunnel in claret and blue. I’m fairly confident whoever they are though, they’ll be the definition of ‘flattered to deceive’ by next May.

Love you all.

All the best.