Pick on the Pundits

We’re back from the international break and Gary’s back too. This time he’s brought Big Al and Wee Al along for the ride. Prepare for some inane shite.

It’s No My Fault… Honest

We opened this week with Chelsea hosting those plucky underdogs Manchester United. Poor United have taken a shellacking these past few weeks with UEFA now fining them for turning up late. Thankfully, that protocol hasn’t quite reached Mike Ashley.

Well, this was a little unexpected. United actually looked reasonably competent… except at the back. Then again, when you’re resting your hopes on Chris Smalling then you kind of get what’s coming to you. I’m also enjoying Paul Pogba’s ‘I can’t be arsed’ attitude to defending. That’s the sort of stuff that’ll get you a move to Fulham double quick. Chelsea will probably be disappointed they didn’t win since they created the better chances but they do brownie points for needling Mourinho on the equaliser. He really doesn’t like the taste of his own medicine. Nor does he like accepting blame but that’s another matter entirely.

Right, Mourinho can also get in the bin. Sure, he was needled for the equaliser but as opposed to throwing a tantrum then trying to say it’s not always my fault, try not being a sour-faced c**t.

*Eion Has Another Rant About Fulham Alert*

It’s time for Fulham travelling to Cardiff and rather than make jokes about Cardiff being bad and Neil Warnock’s saggy face, I will detail the horror that is Fulham’s defending.

Goal 1 – Sol Bamba is allowed to look like a prime Rio Ferdinand as he plays a ball to Josh Murphy on the left. Not quite sure where Calum Chambers had gone but by the amount of space Murphy had, he’d f**ked off to Jupiter. The centre-backs are lead arsed.

Goal 2 – Chambers decides that hauling a man to the ground is easier than making an effort, Cardiff make an arse of the resulting free-kick and, despite literally turning into five-year-olds excited by the ball and missing it, Fulham don’t clear it. To top it off, the tackle sends the ball to Tim Ream who forgets the simple concept of a first touch which turns what was a bog standard tackle into Cardiff’s second-best assist all season.

Goal 3 – Aron Gunnarsson is allowed to easily run with the ball in midfield a la Paul Pogba; Ecuele Manga puts in the world’s worst cross which is so slow and bobbly that it must have had the Fulham defenders pissing themselves at it hence why they made no effort to get to it and Callum Paterson (who can’t even get in the Scotland team) just tried a bit harder and scored.

Goal 4 – Where do I start? Ream’s attempt at looking like a competent footballer finish with him eating grass; Camarasa does the slowest chop inside of all time but still nobody in white gets near him; his block comes back to him and he basically just punts it 30 yards backwards into what might as well have been Cardiff city centre the amount of space Harris had. Harris’ shot is deflected back to Camarasa who has about three weeks to cross to Harris who has run about 25 yards in the time it took the Fulham defence to run 2.

I’m offended by how bad Fulham are.

Yawn

What am I supposed to say about Manchester City vs Burnley? It was an easy 5-0 home win.

Erm… Joe Hart’s going a bit thin on top. Moving on!

IT’S GUY LOVE

Excuse me while I bust out the references and tune up the vocal chords for Liverpool’s trip to Huddersfield:

It’s guy love between two guys,
It’s guy love, don’t compromise,
The feeling of some other guy,
Holding your heart up into the sky.

You get the idea. Anyway, this game was a bit meh. The highlights opened with the only goal of the game and Liverpool, even with Adam Lallana playing, won. Yay.

This Is Apparently A Derby…

Next up was Spurs travelling to West Ham. Neither side is particularly noteworthy to PotP at this point so we’ll try and get through this game that apparently means something. Somebody should have told the crowd.

I realised halfway through this set of highlights I still had three more games to go. I decided to go to bed. That is how pointless this ‘derby’ this. I also hate how commentators pronounce Lloris’ forename as ‘oo-go’. Bugger off, you’re from Tweksbury, not Toulouse.

The Rest…

I’ll be honest, the fact they advertised Everton/Palace at all for MOTD2 was enough to make me go to bed so here’s my analysis of the rest.

Wolves did what any good top half side would do and lost at home to a Watford side who’ve already peaked.

Newcastle still suck and Brighton are just milling about 14th, content with life.

Southampton and Bournemouth hate their fans.