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Nothing screams marketing men quite like every big side playing on a Saturday for Match of the Day. Oh, and Manchester United were playing too.

Gary is joined by Wrighty and Big Al meaning we might get something close to understandable nonsense.

Spurs: The Gift That Keeps Giving

We opened this week with Tottenham hosting Liverpool at Wembley. Fresh off bottling a trip to Vicarage Road last time, Spurs have bottled their own new stadium so it was back to Wembley. They hosted a Liverpool side who recently won Bargain Hunt over the international break because they’re just the best.

Ah Spurs, you old punchline. With Hugo Lloris ‘injured’ or in court, they had to turn to Michel Vorm. Remember him? Remember when he was a decent keeper? Yeah, those days are in the past. His flailing arms set up Gini Wijnaldum for the first then he couldn’t be arsed picking up the ball for the second. At least Liverpool charitably gave Spurs a goal seeing as they were too incompetent to do it themselves.

Bamba On Ice

It was to Stamford Bridge next where Chelsea were guaranteed three points against Cardiff. Chelsea have been winning without being overly incredible which is nice if you’re a Chelsea fan. They were far more fun last season. Cardiff are still not that good.

I mean, it finished 4-1. Cardiff can kick the ball far. That’s about it. I remember Sol Bamba being mediocre in the SPL in 2006 so unsurprising he’s flying about being useless here. In the end, it was Eden who was Hazardous to Cardiff.


Bournemouth were the focus next as their title challenge rolled on at home against Leicester. Leicester are a funny one as they’re turning into Everton and West Ham. Sure, they can spend money but it means nothing when you’re constantly finishing ninth.

Tell you what, that Ryan Fraser must be on the verge of an England call-up right? What do you mean he’s Scottish? Yeesh.

Anyway, Leicester aren’t that good.

Minnows Win At Title Challengers

It was to Vicarage Road where the unbeatable Watford were marching on to the title. They were hosting mid-table side Manchester United who are a bit pish. Quite why Javi Gracia was holding up a tiny whiteboard advertising an electrical brand baffled me though.

Well, that’s a blow to their title challenge. Man United moved further away from relegation troubles thanks to their prevalence for set pieces. Neil Warnock was taking notes.

Fulham Still Can’t Defend

To the Etihad next where City’s mascots were some old women who had been fans for a while. Knowing City’s history, I’m surprised they’ve survived. They were hosting Fulham who I’m insistent will go down if they don’t learn how to defend.

Lo and behold, Fulham can’t defend and it’s cost them. They’re going down unless they fix up quickly. It’s bordering on shambolic. City cruised through this one.


Up in Newcastle, there’s not much to shout about. The football team is also doing terrible so far this season. They were hosting Arsenal who are about 10% as fun now they’re not consistently performing the Wenger hokey-cokey.

It really does take a special side to make Arsenal look relatively comfortable in victory but poor old Newcastle really are not that good. I mean when most of your signings are cherry pickings from Swansea and West Brom then you’re a bit crap. Even Mesut Ozil looked competent, which was nice of the Geordies to do.

Wilf & His Pals

We finished at Huddersfield where the charity safety given to Wagner’s side seems to ow be a mistake. They hosted Wilfred Zaha. Ten of his pals turned up to watch him win the game for them.

It was dead cute x