LASESARRE, SPAIN - AUGUST 5: Puma Orbita, the official match ball of LaLiga in detail prior the pre-season friendly match between Athletic Club and Real Sociedad on August 5, 2022 at Lasesarre Stadium in Barakaldo, Spain. Noxthirdxpartyxsales PUBLICATIONxNOTxINxJPN 195228971

This Tuesday, the FA announced Mohamed Salah won’t face suspension after allegedly striking Stoke’s Bruno Martins Indi in the face last weekend. A three-man panel, including referee Andre Marriner, agreed the Egyptian forward was not guilty of violent conduct.

Much to the displeasure of Antonio Conte, Salah will return to Stanford Bridge on Sunday for the first time since departing for Roma two seasons ago. It has been a couple of weeks since Manchester City won the league, but Liverpool, Tottenham and Chelsea are still all in contention for a Champions League spot.

Salah, if fit and available, will play an instrumental role in Liverpool’s success in attaining a spot in Europe next season. A top-four finish may not even be necessary for the Merseyside team if they win their next two Champions League games, but that’s easier said than done.

While most of the footballing world is happy to see Salah play his remaining games without suspension, there are a few who disagree with the decision. Harold Kane, a plumber from Tottenham, London has shared his views on the issue.

“Yeah, obviously, uh, I think it’s a bit unfair, uh, he needs to see the correct disciplinary actions obviously,” said Kane. “I just think, uh, that other strikers such as Harry Kane deserve to score more goals, obviously.”

Unable to meet for a face-to-face chat, Mr. Harold Kane’s telephone interview provided GSITM with great insight into his thought process. He takes match bans very seriously and just wants to see players protected in the league. Harold insured us he has no ulterior motives, so we know he’s speaking honestly.

“Yeah, obviously, I’ve got nothing to gain from this, I’m just a striker, uh, I mean plumber from London,” said Harold Kane over the phone. “I’ve, uh, spoken to my friends Delaney Alli and, uh, Hendrik Dier and they agree with me obviously.”

When asked if he had any relation to Tottenham Hotspur striker Harry Kane, Harold quickly denied any connection and promptly ended the call. Shortly after the conversation, we received another call from a man named Mauricio Phillips.

“It’s, ah, sad and embarrassing of course,” said Mauricio. “These people are, ah, just being mean to Harry Kane of course, ah, that is plain to see. He, ah, deserves to win the Golden Boot, ah, but now he cannot of course.”

Even though Mauricio and Harold are devastated at the FA’s decision, neutral fans across the country are thrilled to watch Salah play more football. If only we could have contacted Harry Kane and Mauricio Pochettino to get their views. Oh well, maybe next time.