LASESARRE, SPAIN - AUGUST 5: Puma Orbita, the official match ball of LaLiga in detail prior the pre-season friendly match between Athletic Club and Real Sociedad on August 5, 2022 at Lasesarre Stadium in Barakaldo, Spain. Noxthirdxpartyxsales PUBLICATIONxNOTxINxJPN 195228971

Another week and another Match of the Day. This season is flying by ain’t it?

Gary is joined this week by Big Al and the big, angry b*****d Martin Keown. It really is that exciting.

Nice Guy Alisson

We start this week with my club, Liverpool, who I may have got a little excited about last time out. That house in Chippenham was sold to a higher bidder. Apparently, it was Real Madrid looking to replace Ronaldo. They travelled to Leicester who were without the rather overrated Jamie Vardy who was banned. It’s about as exciting as it gets there.

Update: Liverpool are still good. Leicester tried hard but they are still very mid-table not matter how much money they give Norwich. Sadio Mane is on fire already and Joe Gomez is phenomenal and gives me great hope that Dejan Lovren will never be near the first team again. There is a question to be asked over Leicester’s goal but fair play to Alisson for giving Leicester a chance. Awfully nice of him that.

The Top Four Collide

It was a battle of the top four as Chelsea hosted Bournemouth.


Let me check that.

Nope, that’s correct.

Anyway, both sides have began their Premier League seasons well after plenty of questions were asked of them (mostly by myself, Bob and Dean). It’s almost like they were lulling us all in. Like it was part of some great plan. Totally meant it.

Well, that was tight but what do you expect from two sides looking towards the title. Bournemouth had some great chances but were undone by a deflection and a Hazard. Chelsea were perhaps fortunate to still have eleven on the pitch considering Marcos Alonso went all NFL lineman from a Bournemouth throw-in. Still, it’s four from four for Sarri’s men as absolutely nobody else cares.

“Who Do We Turn To Boss?” “Joselu”

To the Etihad next where City were celebrating ten years of Sheikh ownership and ten years since Megamind arrived. They hosted Newcastle who are probably the least exciting party guests you could invite. They’ve not won yet this season have Rafa’s boys which is a little worrying. Only a little. Honest.

Oh Newcastle. No matter how much they insist this isn’t a Championship team, the fact they turned to Joselu when they needed an equaliser screams League One. In fairness, City only got the three points from an error and a one in a million strike. They’re not fluent but they won. Newcastle are dull and they lost.

Big props to Al for continuing to be a realist with Newcastle’s position. They’re just not that good right now.

Forget Defending (Part 1)

We get a trip to the South Coast finally as we go to Brighton who are hosting Fulham. This is probably a neutral’s favourite this game but I can’t be bothered with both of them. Brighton are Norwich on steroids and Fulham still can’t defend and are well on their way back to the Championship if they continue that way.

Please refer to the end of that last sentence. Fulham spent over £100 million on players this summer and nobody thought to buy a better defender than bloody Alfie Mawson? On that principle alone, I hope they go down. At least I can have a weekly moan at them. Brighton should probably have won this one with the amount of chances they had. That Glenn Murray terrorised Fulham screams volumes.

Side note: Andre Marriner’s new haircut makes him look like a walking Michael McIntyre performance. He’s probably just as funny.

Which means not at all.

Boring Winners

Palace are next as they host Southampton. Yes, I dreaded this as much as you did. Palace made the genius decision to start Jordan Ayew for the first time which has now ensured their relegation. Southampton are still boring.

It takes a special team to make a 2-0 win dull but, by Christ, Southampton achieved it. It was nice to see Good Guy Danny Ings get another goal though. Palace have problems since their biggest goal threat was James McArthur.

Think about that.



State of them.


Ah West Ham, you useless bawsacks. They hosted Wolves as they tried to actually get a point on the board. I’m starting to feel bad for them though.

I’m not going to say anything mean about West Ham because it’s cyberbullying at this point. The excellence of Rui Patricio showed the benefit of having a Jorge Mendes in your pocket and an owner willing to spend on quality.

Forget Defending (Part 2)

We finished at Goodison where Everton were hosting Huddersfield. I had checked out by this point and I’m sorry if we have any Huddersfield fans here but I really don’t care about your club. The novelty has worn off now.

Well, this happened. Everton didn’t get anyone sent off but, hilariously, can’t defend so a point for both sides.

Next Week


It’s international football. I don’t do internationals.