Oh, well hello there Matchday 7 and another week of red arrows. Admit it, you don’t read this to see me do well, do you? Of course not. And I never, ever will.
It’s another week of Fantasy Football Failings and total utter dross.
Read on for bad selections, bad performances and general bad Fantasy Football Management.
Look at that mess. Just look at it. Mind you, I was unlikely to do well when I have three Manchester United players in my side, was I? I must remember to fix that.
David de Gea, Manchester United: 1 point
He let in three against West Ham United. Who does that? United, obviously.
Kyle Walker, Manchester City: 7 points
No rotation for Kyle this week as I managed to just about second-guess Peppy G. A clean-sheet was my reward.
Trent Alexander-Arnold, Liverpool: 2 points
A rare low scoring effort from TAA this week but they were playing Chelsea and, of course, Eden Hazard.
Davinson Sanchez, Tottenham Hotspur: 7 points
Let’s not get too carried away, they were playing Huddersfield. With hindsight, I should have brought in another Tottenham defender given Huddersfield haven’t scored at home in five matches.
Sadio Mane, Liverpool: 1 point
He’s gone right off the boil, has Sadio. Ever since I signed him, curiously.
Marouane Fellaini, Manchester United: 2 points
No last minute equalisers from the Big Tree this week but he is probably the one United player I shall retain moving forwards.
Roberto Pereyra, Watford: 2 points
Have I signed him just as his and Watford’s form turns? Of course I have!
Jean-Michel Seri, Fulham: 2 points
See above. Another one I need to move on.
Dele Alli, Tottenham Hotspur: 0 points
Injured, isn’t he. And for at least another week. Jeez.
Romelu Lukaku, Manchester United: 2 points
I genuinely ummed and arred about bringing Harry Kane back this week. Yeah, I know. Typical. If I had brought Kane back, you know who would have scored a brace.
Sergio Aguero, Manchester City: 16 points
Thank god he played. Thank god he scored. Thank god I made him skipper.
Total: 42 points
Below average, just for a change.
I am at my wit’s end. I need to get rid of De Gea, Seri and Lukaku at the very least and Pereyra, Mane and Fellaini are on my mind as well. I think I might have to play that free hit thing for next week and have a complete clean sweep.
As ever folks, watch what I do and then do the complete and utter opposite, right