Ah, Fantasy Football you little devil. That love/hate relationship still exists, doesn’t it? How very dare you sneak up on me like that and get underway without emailing me to tell me to make sure I have picked the team I want to play in MatchDay1.
Yeah, I forgot. I can’t have been the only one. I have to say, I am quite pleased with my squad. Sadly, none of them were on the sodding pitch.
Shall we take a look?
Not the worst eleven I have ever selected, but – I didn’t actually want to select this one.
Look at my subs!
De Gea would have started, obviously. So would have Dele Alli. And Joselu, honest. Lascelles would have been out, so would have Fellaini for Alli and, probably, De Bruyne as I didn’t expect him to play.
But meh, it happens. Well, it happens a lot to me.
Let’s go through the performances.
Mathew Ryan, Brighton: 2 points
Yeah, he was only ever going to be second fiddle and he ended up bloody well starting. However, I didn’t expect Brighton to be that terrible against Watford so I thought I might have got away with it. Oh no, not a bit of it.
Kyle Walker, Manchester City: 7 points
Some are saying he is the best right-back in the world right now off the back of one impressive sprint on an overlap. Sure, he ran very, very fast but let us not get too carried away. Still, seven points is seven points!
Jamaal Lascelles, Newcastle United: 1 point
Newcastle will keep clean sheets this season, but I would not have selected Jamaal for this one. Fuming.
Trent Alexander-Arnold, Liverpool: 5 points
Nailed on to be Liverpool’s right-back now. He played very well but got a silly yellow card. And Liverpool were only playing West Ham, so I cannot expect a clean sheet every week, right?
Davinson Sanchez, Tottenham Hotspur: 5 points
A bonus assist for Davinson as his header hit Toby Alderweireld and went over the line, just. Hey, we will take that all day long. He is a class defender, but he did let Newcastle score against them and the flipping goalscorer was on my bench so I get none of the benefit.
Kenedy, Newcastle United: 2 points
HE SHOULD HAVE SCORED. Dammit.
Marouane Fellaini, Manchester United: 1 point
Only ever a sub for me and somehow found his way on to the pitch.
Ruben Neves, Wolverhampton Wanderers: 12 points
Kerching. That’s what I wanted. He will be at the heart of anything Wolves do well this season and that was a proper free-kick. A great start, can he keep it up?
Kevin De Bruyne, Manchester City: 0 points
I didn’t think he would start for City so I was annoyed to see he was starting for me…
Harry Kane, Tottenham Hotspur: 2 points
Yeah, and they got doubled because he was skipper. I’d have picked him, yes, but he wouldn’t have been captain.
Sergio Aguero, Manchester City: 2 points
I know what Aguero is like, his goals will come in fits and starts – it’s just making sure I skipper him on the right weeks.
What I should have had…. 52!
I won’t even mention the various league tables I am in this week.
But, changes have been made and I am confident heading into MatchDay2!