Heroes and Zeros

The Community Shield is the traditional curtain-raiser to the Premier League season. Most people treat it with a shrug of the shoulders usually reserved for a meaningless, glorified friendly. But then most people aren’t Jose Mourinho. The trendsetter that he is, Jose made the Community Shield into something more. He made it a part of his “treble”, proudly hoisting it above his head instead of treating it as a large plate upon which other, more meaningful silverware ought to be placed.

While Jose’s wait for winning the bigger trophies continues, it was the turn of his arch nemesis on the other side of Manchester to stake his claim. Pep’s City steamrolled Sarri’s new-look Chelsea, who were left huffing and puffing by the time it ended.

Heroes

Pep Guardiola: Another trophy checked off the bucket list. At this rate he’ll be able to retire by the time he is 50 and Mourinho is locked up in an institution.

Manchester City: Brushed off their rejection by a £50 million midfielder by signing a £60 million winger and winning their first trophy of the season against the former’s new team. They don’t forgive insults easily in Abu Dhabi, do they?

Sergio Aguero: After a disappointing World Cup, Aguero was at his best against Chelsea. Watching his international teammate play in the opposition goal must have been quite a confidence booster.

Callum Hudson-Odoi: The lone bright spark in the Chelsea ranks. Too bad he’ll play a few dozen minutes at Chelsea in the first few months, then head out on loan in January before being forgotten within the next three years. Could he avoid the fate that has befallen so many before him? Time will tell.

Willy Caballero: With the comical ‘keeper roster spot occupied by Claudio Bravo, Caballero did his best impression of a capable custodian in the Chelsea goal. Without his heroics, City could have racked up half a dozen goals within the first hour.

Zeros

Maurizio Sarri: Expect his cigarette bills to sky-rocket now that he’s seen his new team in action against the best side in the country.

Chelsea: At least they didn’t bend over and let City have their way with them this time. Which is one way of saying they did not give up immediately; they did so eventually.

Jorginho: “I’ve made a huge mistake,” said Jorginho, channelling his inner Gob Bluth.

Claudio Bravo: Still prone to moments of slapstick from time to time, Bravo was in his element at Wembley. Playing him is Guardiola’s way of taking the piss, challenging the opposition to get past his outfielders, knowing they’ve only got Calamity Claudio to beat in goal.

David Luiz: Reverted to being controlled by a toddler with a PlayStation controller. Gary Neville must be feeling quite chuffed with himself right now.