Chatting Wham

Well lads and ladies that’s it, the curtain has come down on another Premier League season. The 2017/18 campaign has hardly been one for the books despite the amount of records broken. Manchester City ran away with the Premier League garnering a record points haul as they went and, well, that was about the best thing that happened really. We had a relegation battle up until about a week ago, we’ve had about 1200 managerial changes, we’ve seen some of the most dour football in the history of this league – it’s just generally been a season to forget for most. So with that in mind I decided to make some awards with a difference. Welcome to the Binheads.

Shite manager of the season – Alan Pardew

Hopefully this is the last we’ll see of this prick. Pardew managed to gain less wins in his time in charge of West Brom than the two caretaker’s who book-ended his reign. He left under a cloud, only picking up as many wins as taxi’s stolen by his players on mid-season trips. In a bit Pardew you blert, don’t let the door hit you on the arse on the way out.

Let-down of the season – Michael Keane

Ah yes, The Ev. They were strongly tipped to finish above Liverpool at the beginning of the season which is something Richard Keys is still taking pelters for on Twitter. The signing of Michael Keane for £25 million from Burnley last summer was supposed to signal the end of Phil Jagielka’s time at Goodison, as the veteran was meant to pass the torch. Instead it has only strengthened Jagielka’s place in the Everton team. It’s a bit sad really, Phil looks like he can’t wait for retirement.

Worm firm of the season – Stoke City

After a record high finish in the Premier League last season many thought that Stoke might kick on this year and claim a European place. However those people hadn’t counted on the scouting ineptitude of Mark Hughes. He decided the one thing Stoke needed was a goal machine to support the bright, young prospect of Sadio Berahino – so he went out and picked up Maxim Choupo-Moting for free. He has been simply diabolical and Stoke ended up getting relegated due to a terrible performances and not being able to hang onto a lead. It’s fair to say that most of these players aren’t Championship players, which makes this situation all the worse.

Gimp of the season – Harry Kane

This knobhead. Harry Kane proved this season that he would throw his own nan onto a bonfire and fuel it with petrol just to win an individual trophy. Against Stoke in March, Christian Eriksen scored directly from a free kick which Harry Kane claimed he’d got a flick on. So did he allow his mate to have the goal? Did Spurs tell him to pack in being a selfish twat? Did they fuck! No, Spurs lodged an appeal AGAINST THEIR OWN PLAYER to take the goal away from Eriksen and give it Kane. Absolute shithouse behaviour.